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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Starts Charity to Rebuild Burned Down Childhood Belfry

PIG SLOP CROTCH, ARKANSAS -- Former White House Propaganda Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders has...
Conservative Media

Babylon Bee Moves Corporate Headquarters to Gilead

LAKE PROPAGANDA, MICHIGAN -- The publishing company that owns The Babylon Bee has struck a deal...
Women's Rights

News of Planned Parenthood Refusing Federal Funding Sparks Impromptu Spank-Off Between Pence, Santorum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice-President Mike Pence and failed presidential candidate, former Senator Rick Santorum...
Tech

Study Shows Being Female Still #1 Risk Factor Associated With Seeing Dicks You Didn’t Ask to See

SCHVANTZ LAKE, MINNESOTA -- A research study conducted by the University of East Minnesota...
Science & Medicine

Scientists Can Finally Prove Which Trump Can Outsmart a Bag of Hammers

After years of speculation and wonder, scientists at a leading research lab have published...
Religion

God Says He’s Getting a Lot of Prayers About Mitch McConnell Having a Stroke

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- The CEO of Holy Trinity Inc., one of the...
MAGA News

New York Offers to Rename Public Toilet After Trump

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Perhaps in an attempt to quell a growing controversy...
Criminal Justice

Trump Writes “I’m Not Racist!” on the Back of Barack Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate and Mails It to Central Park 5

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The issue of whether or not President Donald J. Trump is...
MAGA News

Trump Pardons Booth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 2018, former reality-TV star Donald Trump issuing a full presidential...
Science & Medicine

President Promises TrumpCare Will Cover ‘Non-Existing Conditions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  Though it's still more than a year and a half away,...
U.S. Politics

Trump 2020 Campaign Will Use Flaming T’s to Help His Base Find Their Polling Station

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- The reelection campaign  headquarters for President Donald Trump announced that they...
U.S. Politics

John Bolton and Lindsey Graham Hold Hands As They Daydream About Invading Greenland

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Photographers in the nation's capital captured an intimate, and what one...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)