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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

DeVos Orders Schools to Run Active Vaper Drills

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- All around the country, schools will begin to hold new drills...
Pew Pew!

NRA Supports Universal Background Checks and Waiting Periods For Vaping Products

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- During a press conference this morning, a spokesterrorist for the National...
Pew Pew!

Vape Company Giving Guns Away With Their Products to Avoid Regulation

A California company that produces vaporizing products for sale in the state has chosen...
Lifestyle

Irate Manager Demands to Speak to Store’s Karen

BEAR ROCK, CALIFORNIA -- An irate manager at a local retail establishment is currently...
MAGA News

Trump Says He Can’t Be Impeached Until Dems Impeach Individual-1 First

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the House Judiciary Committee approved and adopted rules for...
MAGA News

President Commemorates The Day His Skyscraper Became the Tallest Building in New York

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a solemn ceremony this morning, President Donald Trump led the...
MAGA News

Trump Considering Sarah Palin as National Insecurity Adviser

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Citing what he called "extremely fart-tudinous circumstantials," President Donald Trump told...
History

President Pauses to Honor the Victims of 7/11

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump and Secondary First Lady Melania Trump...
History

Trump Was ‘On the Way’ to Help First Responders on 9/11, But Decided to Let Someone Else ‘Hog All the Glory’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Earlier this year, President Donald Trump signed permanent funding for 9/11...
MAGA News

Trump Wonders If ‘Obama And Crooked H’s Deep State’ Were Behind 9/11 Too

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump took time to honor the events...
MAGA News

MAGA Boy Pretty Sure He Can Insult His Way into AOC’s Stupid Commie Pants

RICCI RIVER, NEW JERSEY -- If there's one thing that 35 year old right-wing...
World News

“I Guess I’ll Just Have to Bomb Iran All By Myself!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visibly upset John Bolton was seen angrily leaving the White...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)