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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I hadn't seen in the previous six thousand times I've looked at them." To this very moment, I'm really not sure why she called me, of all people. We're not friends; we're...
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Lifestyle

Pervy Conspiracy Theorist Storms Area 69 Instead

AREA 69, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION -- While everyone else has been busy preparing for an...
MAGA News

President Calls California ‘Unconstitutional,’ and Revokes Its Statehood

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration officially filed paperwork to revoke California's EPA waiver...
MAGA News

Fearing Another Whistleblower, President Bans Tea Kettles From White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the President of the United States issued an edict,...
U.S. Politics

League of Latinx Voters Puts Out Pamphlet: “5 Reasons To Re-Elect Donald Trump For President”

President of the United States, and Head Stable Genius at MENSA, Donald J. Trump,...
MAGA News

President Declares ‘National McMergency’ Because He Runs Out of Chicken Nugget Dipping Sauce

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are confirming that this morning, at...
Conservative Media

Spicer Already Booked For Next Season of “Dancing With the Lying Kleptocratic Fascist Lawless Dick Burgers”

HOLLYWOOT, CALIFORNIA -- Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has been having the...
Conservative Media

Shane Gillis Hired as Trump’s New Speechwriter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump...
Conservative Media

Shane Gillis Apologizes to All The Good Asians He Does Like. Both Of Them.

Alleged comedian Shane Gillis will not be joining the cast of Saturday Night Live, as had...
MAGA News

Doctors Unsure Barry Berke’s Foot Can Ever Be Extracted from Lewandowski

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's top doctors aren't sure anything can be done from...
MAGA News

President Orders DOJ to Investigate Obama For Being Better at Literally Everything Than He Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It is not a secret at all on the Hill that...
Criminal Justice

White House Counsel Insists Lewandowski Get to Keep Trump’s Toadstool in His Mouth During Entire Hearing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former Trump campaign manager and central Mueller Report figure Corey Lewandowski...
Arts & Entertainment

Shane Gillis Fired From SNL But Hired by KKK

RACIST MORON VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA -- This week, a spokesperson for Lorne Michaels, producer of...
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Latest articles

Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...
MAGA News

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)