James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Romney Had Spine Removed So He Could Suck Trump’s Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Shocking absolutely, positively nobody, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) announced today that ...

Taliban Endorses Judge Amy Coney Barrett for Supreme Court Justice

AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban have issued the following statement, in their words “fully and ...

Trump: “All Lives Matter Except in Blue States”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s no big secret that President Donald Trump has spent a ...

Trump Offers to Loan Army’s Bomb Sniffing Dogs to California

WASHINGTON, D.C. — If California wants them, President Donald Trump says they can have ...

Alabama GOP Outraged ‘Cuties’ Director Didn’t Invite Roy Moore to World Premiere

BONINSISTERS, ALABAMA — The Alabama Republican Party issued a scathing rebuke of the controversial ...