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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Economy

Ivanka, Jared, Eric, and Don Jr ‘Disappointed’ Hunter Biden Used His Name for Personal Gain

If there is one thing that everyone knows about the crotch-fruit of Donald Trump,...
Science & Medicine

Heidi Cruz Asks Trump For Ted’s Balls Back So He Can Suntan Them

Fox News host, and White Nationalist Magazine's "Nazi Cuntwhistle of the Year" for fifteen...
MAGA News

Florida Bans Education

Education of any kind is now completely and fully illegal within Florida's state lines,...
Tech

Martian Hopes Musk Buys Twitter and It Keeps ‘That Billionaire Cretin’ Far Away From His Planet

Meepzorp is a resident of the Planet of Mars and recently told our outlet...
U.S. Politics

Democrats Will Just Debate a Literal Sack of Shit in 2024

This week, the Republican National Committee officially ended its relationship with the commission that...
Women's Rights

Coat Hangers and Bleach Pass Meth and Busch Beer as Florida’s Highest Selling Products

Just days after Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) signed a sweeping, new 15-week abortion ban...
Women's Rights

Florida’s New 15-Week Abortion Ban Really Opens Up Matt Gaetz’ Dating Prospects

On Thursday, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) helped his state join other Republican-controlled legislatures...
Tech

Trump Can’t Wait for Musk to Own Twitter So He Doesn’t Have to Post on Truth Social

A new report out of South Florida seems to indicate that one former, one-term,...
MAGA News

Of Course I Believe a Billionaire Wants to Protect My Freedom of Speech. I’m a Fucking Moron.

What's all this fuss about Elon Musk's hostile takeover attempt of Twitter? By now, don't...
Conservative Media

Bill Maher is So Sick and Tired of Millennial Liberals He May Stop Trying to Fuck Them One Day

For the better part of four decades, there have been fewer American liberals more...
MAGA News

Literal Dumpster Fire Sues Marjorie Taylor Greene For Copyright Infringement

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is no stranger to a...
LGTBQ+

I’m in Florida. My Cousin’s in Tennessee. We’re Moving to TX to Protect Our Baby From Groomers.

The following editorial was submitted by Eddie Pesghetti, a 35 year old resident of...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)