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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Women's Rights

Overturning Roe Doesn’t Go Far Enough. Sperm Must Be Given Full Citizenship.

The following editorial was written by Will Riccilumbo, a Fox News contributing editor and...
Women's Rights

New Leak Indicates Supreme Court Will Overturn the Right to Eat Eggs

A leaked draft opinion written by Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh indicates that he,...
Women's Rights

Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Just hours after Politico broke a bombshell story -- that the Supreme Court had voted in...
Women's Rights

A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it's been in 50 years to...
Religion

Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference, Jesus Hubert Christ was asked for...
MAGA News

Jan 6 Committee Wants to Ask Meadows When He Knew Trump Was a Little Bitch Who Can’t Handle Losing

The House committee investigating the failed insurrection of January 6th, 2021 sent letters to...
MAGA News

DeSantis Puts Gaetz in Charge of Florida’s Sex Education

In Florida, educators are going to have to start asking Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q)...
Conservative Media

At Our Last Klan Rally, Tucker Carlson Promised Me He Isn’t Racist

The following editorial was submitted by Fritz Palumbozo, a self-described white nationalist and writer...
Arts & Entertainment

Disney World’s “Mr. Chode’s Fascist Wild Ride” Takes Riders Through Florida Under DeSantis

Guests arriving at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom park today were greeted with some...
Economy

Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

With pressure mounting even from within his own party -- such as a sitting...
Tech

Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”

Elon Musk does not officially own Twitter, not yet anyway. The Twitter board did accept...
LGTBQ+

I Run an Influential TikTok Account That Dehumanizes People. Why Can’t I Anonymously Ruin Lives?

The following editorial was submitted by Karol Markyshittz. Mz. Markyshittz up until very recently...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)