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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Jim Jordan Promises House Investigation to Find Wife’s Clit

Rep. Jim Jordan (Q-OH) already has a healthy spate of investigations he's planning to...
MAGA News

MTG Vows to Show Baby Killing Dems She No Longer Believes Wild Conspiracy Theories

Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) will serve on a pair of congressional committees for...
Lifestyle

Santos Honors All 6 Million of His Mothers Who Died at Auschwitz on Holocaust Remembrance Day

Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's a day in which solemn tributes to the...
MAGA News

46th Smartest President Allowed Back on Facebook and Instagram

Citing their policy to be "open to humans of all intelligence levels," Meta has...
Lifestyle

DeSantis Demands Floridians Call February “White People Have History, Too Month”

Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) signed an executive order today that will go into effect...
U.S. Politics

Mike Pence Returns Classified Docs and Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics to Proper Authorities

This morning, a courier hired by former Vice President High Priest Mike Pence delivered...
MAGA News

After Recent Mass Shootings, George Santos Apologizes for Inventing the Gun

Just this week, three separate mass shootings rocked California, a state with relatively stronger...
Criminal Justice

MTG Wants to Subpoena the President, CEO, and Captain of Antifa

This week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed a bill in the House of...
Pew Pew!

NRA Congratulates California on Two Mass Shootings in Two Days

This week, California saw to two deadly mass shootings in two consecutive days. They...
Science & Medicine

My Grandpa Smoked for 50 Years and Died of Lung Cancer After He Got a COVID Vaccine

The following editorial was submitted to us by Frank Lee Stew-Pitt, who calls himself...
Conservative Media

Tucker Carlson Vows He’ll Never Stop Sexually Fantasizing About Cartoon M&M’s

An angrily tearful Tucker Carlson told his Fox News audience today that he is...
MAGA News

MTG Uses Secret Jewish Space Laser to Pinpoint Ilhan Omar’s Antisemitism

The House Republicans took control of the lower chamber of Congress two weeks ago,...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)