James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Devin Nunes Assures Trump He Won’t Stop Sucking Him Off Even Though Impeachment Trial Is Over

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources are reporting that late last night, Congressman Devin Nunes delivered ...

Trumpers Outraged “Classless” Pelosi Ripped Up Pussy Grabbing, Nazi Defending Birther’s Speech

All across America, patriotic, tough, hard-as-nails, salt of the earth, bootstrap pulling, rugged individualist, ...

Buttigieg Declares Himself Winner of 2020 General Election

JUMTHAGUN, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Last night and this morning, South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg ...

Trump Orders Corporate Merger of Kansas and Missouri

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An errant presidential tweet may lead to the first corporate merger ...

Obama Endorses Trump’s Re-Election

SHARIA VOODOO LABORATORY, SOROS BUNKER #1 — In a truly unforeseen turn of events, ...

Mexico Agrees to Pay For Stephen Miller’s Hair Plugs

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO — Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador dropped what could be a ...

Senate Votes to Lower the Law So It’s Just Beneath Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On a narrow, nearly party line vote, the U.S. Senate voted ...

Environmental Conservation Group Fears Extinction of the Vertebrate Republican

Biological researchers and conservationists at the World Wildlife Foundation are concerned about the rapid ...