James Schlarmann

Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the Supreme Court's conservative majority is poised to help roll back abortion rights in America to a time before Roe Vs Wade, 34...

“Here’s Why Your Uterus Belongs to Those Weird Jesus Freak Neighbors” by Amy Coney Barrett

The following editorial was submitted by Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney OfJesse Barrett. The views and opinions herein are those of Mrs. Barrett's, provided her husband agreed to let her have views and opinions of her own.  With your husbands'...

Ben Shapiro: “My Wife Told Me Not to Worry If I Can’t Find Her Clitoris, Someone Can”

Ben Shapiro can't find his wife's clitoris, and most nights he absolutely refuses to do so. However, according to Mr. Shapiro, his wife is "totally and completely okay" with that. This is all according to the latest episode of...

Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Just hours after Politico broke a bombshell story -- that the Supreme Court had voted in February to strike down Roe vs Wade -- MAGA Americans are being congratulated on their success, though the source of the congratulations might raise a few eyebrows. In...

Jan 6 Committee Wants to Ask Meadows When He Knew Trump Was a Little Bitch Who Can’t Handle Losing

The House committee investigating the failed insurrection of January 6th, 2021 sent letters to former Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows this weekend, signaling their desire to ask him, under oath, about what he knew about his former boss,...

Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

With pressure mounting even from within his own party -- such as a sitting U.S. Senator from his home state -- to investigate allegations he participated in insider trading, freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) denied such allegations. Rep. Cawthorn...

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon Musk's offer to buy it was accepted more than a day ago, and my old account, which was banned under the previous Leftist Woketopian Twitter...

Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

Last week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) took the witness stand in the first hearing to determine her eligibility to seek re-election. Greene's candidacy has been challenged by a group of voters in her own district, on grounds that...

Disney Tells DeSantis They’ll Get Tough on Groomers and Bans Evangelical Christians From Park

In a letter to Gov. Ron DeSantis sent this afternoon via special courier, the Walt Disney Company announced that evangelical Christians are no longer welcome at Disney World, at least while DeSantis is governor. https://youtu.be/yHybeFuJiDc MORE: Of Course I Believe a...

Ivanka, Jared, Eric, and Don Jr ‘Disappointed’ Hunter Biden Used His Name for Personal Gain

If there is one thing that everyone knows about the crotch-fruit of Donald Trump, it's that they absolutely loathe and despise any form of nepotism, and are outraged when they see someone using their famous name and wealthy, well-connected...

About Me

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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