James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
2587 Posts

Devin Nunes Starting to Worry His Mouth is Stuck Like That

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For four years many people in Congressman Devin Nunes' life tried to warn him. His friends, both of them, tried to...

Putin Admits He’s Feeling Down About Being a One Term President Installer

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- He's finally had enough time to process it. He didn't want to believe it at first, but there's just no denying...

Trump Will Just Sit in the Oval Office and Masturbate to Old Apprentice Tapes While Biden is Sworn-In

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most people didn't have any notion that soon-to-be-former President Donald J. Trump would attend Joe Biden's inauguration tomorrow. What most people...

National Association of A-Holes Kicks Cruz Out Over His Role in Stoking Capitol Riot

CULERO, TEXAS -- The National Association of A-Holes has decided to expel one of its most famous, loyal, and heretofore well-respected board members. In a...

Gaetz: “In America, It’s Three Insurrections and You’re Out, Not One!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For two hours this morning, the House of Representatives debated whether or not President Donald Trump -- who has less than...

Obama Hopes Biden Remembers How to Take Everyone’s Guns, Jobs, and Bibles

UNDISCLOSED SHARIA COMMIE SOCIALIST BUNKER, SOROSLAND -- It's been four long years since Agenda 666 has been implemented, and former President Barack HUSSEIN Obama...

Georgia Runoff Defeats Break Ancient Spell and McConnell’s Dick Turns Back Into Lump of Coal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It happened with a sort of "cracking" sound, witnesses say. Then, as the crack subsided, a puff of black smoke emitted...

Trump Already Broke New Year’s Resolution to Not Be a Fucking Moron

His friends and family, and even close political advisers, all warned him against doing it. He was told how risky it was, and how...

Biden Suggests Injecting Bleach Into Mop Buckets

DELAWARE -- When he said it, the entire room took notice. "Call me crazy, but I think if you're looking to get things really clean...

Experts Warn the Next Republican Coup Attempt Could Be a Lot Less Stupid

What would happen if there was a coup attempted by one political party in the United States of America after, imagine, they lost the...

Hannity Says Trump Is ‘Still the Manliest Sore Loser Cry Baby Bitch’ He’s Ever Known

With each passing day, President Donald Trump's time in office grows shorter. It started with Election Day, then continued through several recounts. Then, Trump...

MyPillow Guy Lovingly Fucks Every MyPillow Before It Becomes Your MyPillow

There are very few people in Corporate America who love outgoing, one-term, permanently impeached, lame duck President Donald Trump more than the MyPillow Guy....

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