James Schlarmann

Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving his family business, former one-term, twice permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump asserted his Fifth Amendment rights dozens of times,...

DeSantis Orders February Removed from All School Calendars

Today, the first day of February, marks the beginning of Black History Month. Except that is, in Florida's schools. A new order signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) will force teachers in the state to strip February out of...

George Santos Announces Kitara Ravache Will Handle His Committee Assignments

Congressman George Santos (Q-NY) has had a pretty rough start to his freshman year in the House of Representatives. Before he had even been administered his oath of office, Santos was embroiled in a slew of scandalous accusations that he...

Jim Jordan Promises House Investigation to Find Wife’s Clit

Rep. Jim Jordan (Q-OH) already has a healthy spate of investigations he's planning to conduct as chairman of the House Judiciary Committee. Jordan has not hidden the fact that he wants to look into several issues surrounding President Biden's...

MTG Vows to Show Baby Killing Dems She No Longer Believes Wild Conspiracy Theories

Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) will serve on a pair of congressional committees for the next two years, which is almost certainly repayment from alleged Speaker Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) for her support in his historic, 15-round attempt to wrest...

Santos Honors All 6 Million of His Mothers Who Died at Auschwitz on Holocaust Remembrance Day

Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's a day in which solemn tributes to the victims of Adolf Hitler's genocidal rampage during World War II are made all over the globe. Not wanting to be left out of the festivities,...

46th Smartest President Allowed Back on Facebook and Instagram

Citing their policy to be "open to humans of all intelligence levels," Meta has announced that they will lift their ban, and the 46th smartest President of the United States will be allowed to post on Facebook and Instagram...

DeSantis Demands Floridians Call February “White People Have History, Too Month”

Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) signed an executive order today that will go into effect on February 1st, and will demand that all Floridians stop calling February "Black History Month." "With a stroke of my mighty pen," DeSantis said while wearing...

Mike Pence Returns Classified Docs and Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics to Proper Authorities

This morning, a courier hired by former Vice President High Priest Mike Pence delivered unmarked envelopes to two different locations. When asked about this on Fox News, Pence explained why he hired the courier. "I told that nice, strapping, hard...

After Recent Mass Shootings, George Santos Apologizes for Inventing the Gun

Just this week, three separate mass shootings rocked California, a state with relatively stronger gun laws. Whether or not  more permissive laws in neighboring states like Nevada or Arizona play a role in the number of guns that can...

About Me

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving...
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