James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
2624 Posts

Gaetz: “Every Fetus Deserves a Fighting Chance to Become My Sex Object In 17 Years”

While the scandal surrounding him may not be showing any signs of subsiding just yet, Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) has shown no signs of...

Doctors Break the News to Stephen Miller: He’ll Always Look Like a Penis

It's news none of us want to get. According to published medical journals, however, it's ness that one in every seven billion people suffer...

MAGA Fan Will Boycott Coke and Drink Trump’s Piss Instead

FUCKWIT FALLS, NEW JERSEY -- Will Ricciarlumbo will never, ever put his lips to a bottle of Coke again, if he can at all...

He Hates Cancel Culture So He’s Boycotting Coke, MLB, Delta, and the 14th Amendment

SHITLIP, NEW JERSEY -- 27 year old Marcus Palumbo absolutely, positively hates "cancel culture." He can't define it with any kind of real precision,...

Al Franken Offers to Fill-In for Gaetz While He Figures Out That Whole Sex Trafficking Thing

MINNESOTA -- Former Senator Al Franken is reportedly open to taking over embattled Florida Republican Matt Gaetz' congressional seat until his impending legal troubles...

Pat Robertson: God Wants Republicans to ‘Crotch Check’ Student Athletes

The 80+ year old televangelist said Jesus told him personally he needs to protect the "integrity" of sports by feeling up student athletes before their games.

MyPillow Guy and Marjorie Taylor Greene Share a Crack Dealer and Loyalty to Trump

On a recent episode of Steve Bannon's klan rally/podcast, Mike Lindell, founder and CEO of MyPillow, promised the MAGA faithful that their messiah would...

To ‘Secure Elections,’ Mississippi Republicans Want to Outlaw the 13th and 14th Amendments

JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI -- Two states to the east, in Georgia, Republicans have passed a sweeping spate of voter restrictions, all in attempt to reverse...

Super Pro-American MAGA Patriot Rooting for Murderous Dictator to Beat Biden In Debate

He really loves the United States but really wants the American president to lose in a debate with the Russian president/chief murderer.

Robert T. Antifa is Tired of Liberals Calling His Very Real Organization ‘Just an Idea’

"I don't see Unicorn Farts or Loch Ness Monster Holdings, or the Catholic Church being treated with such disdain and fear."

Matt Gaetz Mocks Biden For Not Licking a Single Authoritarian Dictator’s Taint Yet

"I bet Sleepy Joe doesn't even KNOW where Kim Jong-Un's G-spot is!"

DeSantis to Write Memoir: “How to Let 33,000 People Die and Still Be Considered a Success”

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) has been taking a victory lap in the media this week, touting the fact that his state's economy seems...

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