James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

4 out of 5 Morons Agree: Trump is a Good President

A new scientific study indicates that 80% of all morons agree that Donald J. ...

Americans Designate MAGA a Terrorist Organization

While the president and his administration have deemed AntiFa — a political ideology that ...

White House Had GrubHub Deliver $42,000 in McDonald’s to Trump’s Bunker

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When President Donald Trump was taken into an underground bunker to ...

Adolf Hitler Endorses Labeling AntiFa A ‘Terrorist Organization’

HELL, HELL — Former German President, and, still pretty much the worst human being ...

Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”

LA VALLE RUBIA PINCHE PUTA, CALIFORNIA — Fox News contributing racist Tomi Lahren has ...

Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time ...

Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there’s little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he’s ...

Trump Declares Houses That Worship Him “Essential”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, the President of the United States of America declared the ...