James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I hadn't seen in the previous six thousand times I've looked at them." To this very moment, I'm really not sure why she called me, of all people. We're not friends; we're...
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The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...

Jesus Just Told Me He Probably Wouldn’t Vote for the “Rapey Sore Loser Guy”

Well, America, you're about to do it. Again. We're gonna have a re-do of 2020....

I’m So Grateful Elon Rescued Twitter from Overly Political Owners So He Can Help Trump Win!

The following editorial was written and submitted by Dustin Pewpsin, a Republican strategist working...

I’m a Single Issue Voter, and It’s Enabling Right-Wing Authoritarians If I Don’t Get My Way

The following piece was submitted to us by reader Gary Neophite, who describes himself...

Alabama Authorities Are Looking for Me Because They Found Out I Had a Wet Dream

"I can't tell you where I'm at, or how long I'll be here, but...

I Just Got a Sneak Peak at Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Signature Shoe Line

"I lied to him and told him that I was a friend of the...

What DO You Get The Horse-Faced Cave Troll Insurrectionist In Your Life for Valentine’s Day?

"...a lovely new feedbag might be the way to go. But she just signed...

Tucker’s Putin Interview Was the Most Boring BJ Video I’ve Ever Seen on the Internet

"...in the interest of fairness, and admittedly settling a sense of curiosity I had...

Latest articles

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...