James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
2607 Posts

Papa John’s New Slogan: “Better Ingredients. Better Pizza. No N-Words After 20 Months of Deprogramming.”

"Congratulations, John, on entering the 21st century just a couple of decades too late!"

Jim Jordan Shares Freedom Fries With the Dixie Chicks While Blasting ‘Cancel Culture’

On a park bench not far from the nation's capitol complex, Qongressman Jim Jordan sits with country band The Dixie Chicks, sharing a large...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Files Bill Legalizing Insurrections

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed articles of impeachment against President Joe Biden on the very first day on the job....

Matt Gaetz Tells CPAC He Won’t Let Trump ‘Pull Out Until He Finishes’

A visibly evident and olfactorily confirmed drunk Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) slurred and stammered his way through a long-winded speech today during the 2021...

Update: Stephen Miller is Still a Bald, Racist Cunt

When one thinks back on the four year diarrhea buffet that was the Trump administration, it's hard not to, at some point, think about...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Requests Medical Crack Exception From House Leadership

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has a lot of time on her hands, now that she's been completely stripped of her committee...

Surgeon General Recommends Shitting on Ted Cruz Twice Daily

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The acting Surgeon General of the United States has issued a new set of guidelines for the continued health and well-being...

United Airlines Ending Its Frequent Fuckface Miles Program

United Airlines has announced that after careful consideration of the events of the past 48 hours they will be ending their Frequent Fuckface Miles...

Pat Robertson: God Will Warm Texas If He Stops Watching “Magic Mike” for Research Purposes Twelve Times a Week

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Living fossil and televangelist Pat Robertson often speaks to God about what's going in the United States. In particular, Robertson...

Satan Tells Limbaugh to ‘Fuck Off Out Of Here’

HELL -- Satan "Billy" Beelzebub does not want recently deceased radio host Rush Limbaugh "anywhere within 500 eternal yards" of Hell, and he made...

Jim Jordan Blames Cancel Culture for His Miniscule Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Jim Jordan has a very, very, very, very small dick. Jordan's dick is so small that Former President Donald Trump's dick...

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