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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Lifestyle

Chemtrail Learning Center Expands Into Amusement Park

Seattle, WA -- The Washington State-based Evergreen Chemtrail Learning Center (ECLC) announced today that...
Immigration

Border Prayer Rugs Blamed on Fake El Paso Flea Market

El Paso, TX -- President Trump tweeted earlier this week that Islamic prayer rugs...
Science & Medicine

Trump Buys 100 Salads For Winning Women’s College Basketball Team

Washington, D.C. -- The Syracuse Women's Basketball team were stunned this past week after...
Business

Burger King Preps 60,000 Mexican Replacement Robots

Miami, FL -- Burger King Corporation announced today that it plans on replacing its...
Science & Medicine

27 People Missing & Presumed Dead in Flat Earth Expedition

Ushuaia, Argentina -- 24 flat earth researchers and 3 crew members have been out of...
Conservative Media

Ben Shapiro Breaks World’s Fastest Bumper Sticker Reading Record

Los Angeles, CA -- During the 16th annual SoCal Rapid-Read, a convention that gathers...
World News

China Taunts Trump: Our Wall is Thicker, Longer, Harder

Beijing, China -- In a provocative move designed to get under the skin of...
MAGA News

Trump to Shoot Somebody on Fifth Avenue to Celebrate MLK Day

Washington, D.C. -- President Trump casually mentioned that he plans on shooting "somebody" on...
MAGA News

Trump Settles For Holographic Wall

Washington D.C. -- Officials close to President have acknowledged that Mr. Trump's willingness to...
Economy

Libertarians Finally Enjoying National Parks During Government Shutdown

Yosemite National Park, CA -- Simi Valley resident and self-proclaimed Libertarian Joshua M. Bateman...
Arts & Entertainment

Johnny Cash Estate to Release 14 Hours of the Artist’s Mumbling

New York, NY -- The estate of Johnny Cash and New York City-based Posterity Records...
Arts & Entertainment

Donald Trump Claims John Lennon Is His Favorite Band

Washington, D.C. -- On the heels of a tweet announcing that he's pulling US...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)