Anti-Condom Protesters Storm Porn Set and Demand Actor Be Allowed to Raw Dog Co-Stars

SLAM FERNANDO VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A group of angry protesters, insisting they were there to represent “freedom of medical choice,” were escorted forcefully from a pornography film set yesterday.

According to authorities at the scene, a violent, angry mob showed uninvited up at a house in the Valley here Cramhole Studios was shooting a new adult film, sometime after lunch. One protester told the film crew they were there to “rescue porn actor John Smith from tyranny.” The protesters, prior to being taken off the set by local police, had told the film’s director they would not leave until Mr. Smith, whose real name is Richard Prickly, was able to perform a scene with co-star Bambi Wett, without wearing a condom.

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We caught up with 54 year old anti-condom protester Karen Schittdik, who was one of the people cops had to forcibly remove from the set of Bone Ape-Tit yesterday afternoon. Ms. Schittdik told us she’s “proud and pleased” with what happened, despite being taken off the set before Prickly and Wett could shoot their scene, with or without a condom.

Laws have existed in California for years that mandate condoms and regular HIV and STD testing for all adult film performers. Schittdik calls those laws “tyrannical overreach” and says that “every American has a right to expose him or herself to deadly diseases.”

“And that’s whether they are fucking on film for cash, or not,” Schittdik impressed upon our reporter.

“Everyone has that right. Call me crazy. Call me old fashioned. But I just think in America, we shouldn’t do anything for the sake of the so-called common good. The government really shouldn’t be in the business of promoting the general welfare of its citizens, if you ask me, and that cuck James Madison had no right to put that bullshit in our Constitution’s preamble!”

Cramhole Studios did not provide a comment on this story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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