Another Republican Debate Drinking Game

Aren’t drinking games, like, the best? We think so here at The Political Garbage Chute, and so we decided to join all the frivolity. You’ve probably noticed that every time a presidential debate happens now, many online information and news outlets publish drinking games for you to play while you watch the debate. You know, when Hillary Clinton says something that Bernie Sanders literally just said five minutes ago but with a little more Hillary-ness, take a shot. When Rick Santorum tells you that poverty only exists because people can still get divorced and/or gay married, take a shot.

So that’s the general idea — a candidate says something, and then you drink. But we wanted to take it to a whole other level, and we think you’ll be quite pleased with what we came up with.

Another Republican Debate Drinking Game
  1. Whenever any candidate either inhales or exhales, pass the shot in your hand to your left, and that person has to kill a baby deer.
  2. If Carly Fiorina says “Rest Assured,” drink a shot but you can only use a coat hanger to pick up the glass.
  3. When Ted Cruz calls Obamacare “an abomination,” pour yourself a rum and coke, and throw it on a nun.
  4. Should Jeb! Bush defend any of his brother’s foreign policy decisions, drink a gallon of hot sauce and send the diarrhea you have next day to Dick Cheney’s undisclosed bunker in Wyoming.
  5. If any candidate invokes God, God’s will, or putting God back into any institution they believe he or she has been removed from, do a keg stand.
  6. Every time Benghazi is mentioned, take an ambien and jack off until you fall asleep.
  7. If Hillary Clinton’s email server and/or the FBI investigation about it is brought up, have half a glass of spoiled milk.
  8. When Rand Paul goes off on a two minute tangent about fiat currencies, even though literally every currency is a fiat in some way, laugh your balls off at his chances of ever being anything other than a not-quite as popular offshoot of a racist, old, coot. Oh and, um, have a beer or something.
  9. Chris Christie loves talking about Chris Christie, every time he does, rub some ointment on your taint and make yourself a nice Highball.
  10. If Donald Trump says something insensitive about women, minorities, female minorities, LGBTQ people, immigrants, LGBT immigrants, or anyone else, have a shot of fine Tequila.
  11. When you wake up and realize you don’t give a shit what any of the ideologues and pedants on the stage are blathering about because they are completely out of touch with reality, go outside and do something — anything at all — other than watching the terrible Republican debate.