Angry Trump Supporter Threatens NPR Reporter Who Quoted President Trump’s Inaugural Address

HOBART, ARKANSAS — Clem O’Connell was not among those Trump supporters who were absolutely livid recently when he saw National Public Radio’s Twitter account post what he believed was “incendiary, clearly anti-Trump rhetoric” on the first Independence Day of Trump’s presidency, but on a recent episode of his “Correctly Biased,” he explained that he had just gotten home from the city’s police station, where he’d been questioned by the police for threatening an NPR reporter.

“So I don’t usually do this,” Clem explained to his audience, “but I was listening to the socialist NPR news, and I heard this snarky, smarmy, FAKE NEWS reporter saying some ghastly things. They were painting a picture of America with their words that was bleak, dark, and frankly a little frightening. I took exception to that, fam, because I know if we’re going to hashtag-MAGA, we gotta stay permanently positive about this country, unless we’re talking about libtards, of course.”

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Clem said he heard a reporter speaking about “American carnage” and how crime, drugs, and gangs had “robbed our country of so much unrealized potential.” It sickened him to hear someone speak so poorly of America, O’Connell said. He felt his patriotic American blood boil as the reporter spoke of “mothers and children trapped in poverty” while the wealthy elite prospered. The reporter spoke about the U.S. helping to defend “other nation’s borders while refusing to defend” to its own, and that made Clem irate.

“We’ve made other countries rich while the wealth,” Clem said he heard from the reporter, “strength, and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon. I mean, I know it’s kinda true, but who gives that commie FAKE NEWS reporter the right to speak so poorly of this great nation, I ask you, fam?”

When the NPR reporter starting using some rhetoric Clem called “weird, ominous and forboding,” he became incensed, and started writing an email to the reporter, letting them know how angry he was.

“I mean, I’m sitting there in my truck, listening to the radio, and I hear this reporter say, ‘We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone but rather to let it shine as an example,'” Clem said, “and to my ears, that seems like what they really plan to do is impose our way of life on people…otherwise why bring it up at all.”

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The email Clem sent was mostly civil in tone, he says, but as he was writing it, he kept hearing the reporter speak. Every time the reporter said something about swearing total allegiance to the country, it made Clem’s skin crawl and his letter got more irate.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that what I heard sounded so anti-American,” Clem said, “and it sounded like something a fascist dictator would say. So I got pissed, and figured this whole time they were probably trying to discredit our dear president, Mr. Trump. So I told that reporter if they didn’t stop saying these things, good patriots like myself might have to take matters into our own hands.”

When the NPR reporter received the email, they alerted the authorities in Clem’s home town. Mr. O’Connell was contacted by the police and asked to come down and speak to them. When Clem explained the situation, a detective let him know that the NPR reporter was actually just quoting from President Donald Trump’s inauguration speech. Clem said while he felt a little embarrassment, he was ultimately proud of himself.

“Sure, that was dumb of me not to recognize the great words of our great president,” Clem said, “but I thought I heard someone verbally terrorizing the United States, and I defended our way of life. It’s almost like I was in the service, fighting for freedom. Kinda. You know what I mean?”

NPR did not comment on this story.

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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