American Nazi Party Chooses Ann Coulter As Grand Marshal Of Trump Inauguration Parade

BLITZ CREEK, MISSISSIPPI — The American Nazi Party will be sponsoring a celebratory parade in a Virginia town not far from the nation’s capital the day that President-Elect Donald Trump is sworn-into office, and today they announced their selection for the grand marshal of the parade.

“We, the American Nazi Party,” the ANP wrote in a a press release announcing the parade, “is pleased to announce that we’ve selected Frau Ann Coulter to be the grand marshal in our celebration parade for our führer-elect, Herr Donald J. Trump.”

The announcement from the American Nazis laid out the parade’s path through the streets of Bedford, Virginia, a town named after the Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest. Ms. Coulter will sit in a replica 1939 Volkswagen Kubelwagen. The parade route will wind through the streets of Bedford in a swastika-shaped pattern which will end at the site of what the American Nazis are calling a “special bonfire, lit by burning embers of Korans and any anti-Trump news articles you can print from the Jew-run mainstream media.”

“I am of course pleased to serve as the grand marshal for this parade,” Coulter told listeners of her podcast this morning, “because I’m not some namby-pamby liberal who can’t handle diverse thought. So what if the American Nazi Party literally wants to conduct ethnic cleansing like the German Nazis did in the 1930’s? Real Americans respect all thoughts and viewpoints that aren’t coming from the mouths and minds of liberals.”

Coulter also said she shares a “certain, anti-brown philosophy” with the American Nazi Party.

“I hate Mexicans,” Coulter said, “and they hate Mexicans, and black people, and Jews, and Chinese people, and Arabs, and gay people, and atheists, and well, the list goes on and on. We don’t see eye to eye on every blind hatred we harbor in our dark, cold, hearts, but the Mexican thing is something we can bond on, most definitely.”

The American Nazi Party’s Trump Inaugural Parade will begin at 9am and last until the last last burning ember of the book burning pyre has gone out. Coulter’s most recent book, “In Trump We Trust,” will be given out to all who attend, but listed as as sales to The New York Times so she can keep convincing herself she’s a bestselling author.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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