AMA Issues Warning About ‘Republican Butt-Hurt’ Epidemic After Obamacare Ruling

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A spokesman for the Amiercan Medical Association has issued a warning to the nation: Republican Butt-Hurt will reach epidemic levels in the wake of the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision to uphold the Affordable Care Act’s subsidies. Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the majority opinion that the primary reason for the ACA — known to many as Obamacare — was to help the heatlh care market, not to “destroy it.” But Sam Lester of the AMA says that the decision may end up “destroying the last bit of sanity many Republicans clung to.”

“For the past six years, Republicans have pilloried Obamacare as socialism, big government overreach and a harbinger of the end of western civilization as we know it,” Lester told a group of reporters gathered for a press conference outside the Supreme Court following the landmark decision that will essentially save the ACA for generations to come. “We at the AMA believe that this development will cause an epidemic level of a disease we are calling ‘Republican Butt-hurt’ because they simply will not be able to handle the idea of progressing toward a system of health care delivery that more closely mirrors the dozens of countries that have had universal health care for decades,” Mr. Lester said.

The symptoms of RBH according to Lester include wild, delusional claims that Obamacare was meant to fail so that Congress would be forced to push through Medicare for all, posting memes that put Hitler mustaches on President Obama, and screaming about socialism even though it has existed in the United States in one form or another for decades as if it will bring about biblical end-times all over social media.

“If you come into contact with someone suffering from RBH, it is very important you do not engage with them, thinking you can convince them that this decision will not destroy their country,” Lester told the press. He added that  “RBH sufferrers are fact-resistant and currently the only cure is for them to be put in a situation where they can’t afford health care in the open market, and need some help from the government so they don’t have to choose between feeding themselves and healing what ails them.”

Lester said that the AMA is currently working on a vaccine to combat future outbreaks of RBH. He says it’s called “education.”  Obamacare has been law since 2010 and the Obama administration estimates over 10 million people have signed up for insurance though either their own state-run exchange or a Federal exchange.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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