Alabama GOP Wants Separate Drinking Fountains for Transgender People

This morning, on a party line vote, an Alabama state legislative committee approved a bill that if passed and signed into law would set aside millions of dollars to install additional drinking fountains throughout the state. The new fountains would be meant only for transgender people.

We spoke to State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen, one of the bill’s co-sponsors, about the new proposed legislation.

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“As a good, clean, ammo hoarding, Christ loving, red meat eating, Confederate flag waving patriot, I want my country to be free. I want my state to be an emblem of that freedom, and so that’s why I, along with all my Republican colleagues, have kept one thing at the forefront of our minds recently; the most important thing facing our country today,” Thompaulsen said, “Which is of course, transgender people’s genitals.”

According to Mr. Thompaulsen, concerns that someone who is cisgender could drink from a public water fountain just after a transgender person does, thereby increasing the risk they’ll “catch transgenderism,” were what ultimately drove the decision to propose the new fountains.

“It’s not that we want transgender people to die of thirst. If they’re thirsty, they should have access to water, but it should be separate from our regular fountain’s water,” Thompaulsen insisted. “You know, separate but equal watering fountains. We thought it sounded like a pretty good, and frankly novel idea that no one’s ever thought of before, so we’re quite proud of that.”

Moments after this story was finished, the contents of Mr. Thompaulsen’s laptop hard drive were published by a different outlet, revealing that he has spent much of the last year trying to date transgender women.

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Sounds vaguely familiar somehow. #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #transrights #Alabama #satire #politics #political #politik

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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