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Donald Trump Jr. To Undergo Plastic Surgery For ‘Chronic Jizz Face’

Donald Trump Jr has a rare but horrifying condition that he has reportedly agreed to undergo a new plastic surgery procedure to remedy.

Coronavirus Placed on 24-Hour Suicide Watch

Authorities are telling us that the novel coronavirus, known globally as "Covid-19," has been put on a constant, 24-hour suicide watch over the last...

Donald Trump Still Doesn’t Love Donald Trump Jr.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, President Donald Trump's son, his namesake at that, delivered a passionate speech to the American people, beseeching them to...

Mexico Offers to Pay to Remove Trump’s White House Wall

DELAWARE -- The Joe Biden presidential campaign received a letter from the Federal Government of Mexico today, offering to assist covering any costs incurred...

FDA Warns of Newly Discovered Hydroxychloroquine Side-Effect: Permanent Butthole Mouth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though it's unclear whether it's true or not, this week President Donald J. Trump announced that he is currently taking hydroxychloroquine,...

Spoiled Little Rich Bitch Takes Daddy’s Silver Spoon Out of His Mouth to Accuse Others of Nepotism

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- A spoiled little rich bitch, who also happens to be a man suffering from the worst case of Chronic...

Hawley: “The Democrats Are Really Terrified We’re Going to Impeach Hunter Biden”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For Freshman Senator Josh Hawley's (R-MO), Rep. Adam Schiff and the rest of the House impeachment managers have not made a...

Kimberly Guilfoyle: “Fox News Prepared Me Perfectly To Be Surrounded By Dicks No One Wants To See”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Kim Guilfoyle used to be one of Fox News' hottest commodities; these days however, she's locked in a bitter...

Trump Asks Putin If He Should Send James Comey an Edible Arrangement

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- According to sources within the White House, President Donald J. Trump has reached out to his boss and asked for guidance...

Kushner Blames Lack of Russian Translation for Omissions on Security Forms

American security forms are all in English, and Jared Kushner says that is at least partially to blame for his glaring omissions from them.

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