On 9/11, Trump Pauses to Honor the Loss of 1.5% of Those Lost to Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, President Donald Trump acknowledged a great American tragedy that resulted in the loss of a staggering amount of life, but it wasn’t the tragedy or the deaths that happened under his leadership.

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In a series of tweets, President Trump marked the 19th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001.

When Al Qaeda operatives hijacked four planes in the early morning hours that fateful day, the intent was to cause as much shock, trauma, and terror as they could. Two planes took down the World Trade Center in Manhattan. A third struck the Pentagon building directly, and a fourth was bound for the nation’s capital when it crashed in Pennsylvania after the passengers onboard fought back against the hijackers.

All told, approximately 3,000 Americans lost their lives on 9/11. It’s a day that ever since has been marked with somber, solemn remembrances, and ceremonies honoring the dead. If but for a brief few weeks or months, the country was extremely unified in its repudiation of the terrorists who attacked America, and it led to rallying cries each year to “never forget” what happened that morning.

In the ensuing 19 years, the United States has responded to 9/11 by starting the War on Terror, spearheaded by the Department of Homeland Security, another byproduct of the response to the attacks. Major changes to how Americans traveled on airplanes were enforced, and the National Security Agency was given broad, sweeping powers of surveillance, aided by the Patriot Act. To say that the 9/11 attacks altered the American lifestyle would be quite the understatement.

To date, more than 200,000 Americans have died from complications arising from COVID-19. That death toll puts the novel coronavirus among the deadliest tragedies in American history. While Americans are still facing COVID-19, the math is quite unmistakable — there were just 1.5% the amount of lives lost on 9/11 than who have died from the coronavirus.

The question remains, however, what — if anything — will change in America as a result? If 9/11 brought about much stricter guidelines for air travel safety, will COVID-19 bring about changes to the healthcare industry? It’s unclear at this time, however for one man, the President of the United States, the emphasis today seems to solely be on those who died nineteen years ago, and not on the death count 66 times higher, and directly under his watch.

This morning, after the president had sent his two tweets honoring the victims of 9/11, he was spotted pacing around the White House lawn, waiting for Marine One to give him a helicopter ride to his Trump-branded golf course not far from the White House. Trump echoed the sentiments he expressed about 9/11 on Twitter. However, he also mused about “what kinds of honors they’ll give [him]” for his response to the coronavirus.

“I mean, we never shut the fuck up about about 9/11, or whatever,” Trump shouted over the roar of Marine One’s engines. “A lot fewer people died that day, but Bush gets all sortsa credit for how he handled it. So I imagine I’ll get 66 times the credit he gets, and there’ll be 66 times the ceremonies and for me because of the whole CHINA VIRUS thing.”

A reporter asked Trump if he meant that the victims of the coronavirus would receive honors. Trump laughed so hard he farted. Then, he motioned to two Secret Service agents. As the reporter was dragged off the White House lawn, the president spoke.

“That’s what happens to reporters who question me on the lawn of MY White House! Now, to answer her question though,” Trump began, “No. Fuck no, in fact. I meant exactly what I said. They’ll honor me because of the CHINA VIRUS. Not the dead. Who the fuck honors dead people? They’re all suckers because they died. I’m never gonna die, though, because I’m not a sucker. Okay, I have to go now, bye!”

Trump ambled off, but not toward Marine One. Instead, he walked toward the White House, but was guided by Secret Service agents to the presidential helicopter. The administration is reporting that Trump shot nothing but holes in one and somehow finished the course in 10 strokes out of 18 holes.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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