5 Reasons Dubya Wants Jeb Bush To Run For President

George W. Bush wants his brother Jeb to run for president in 2016. This week the George W. Bush Presidential Center — which is not actually a place you go to hear George W. Bush try to spell the word “presidential” like you might assume — will open and during an interview for ABC to promote his library’s opening the Worst President of All Time said his brother should most definitely run in 2016. We weren’t exactly sure why George is so keen on Jeb running, but we took a few minuted and cobbled together a few ideas.

So here are 5 Reasons Dubya Wants Jeb Bush to Run for President.

#5. If Jeb Won, That Would Make Three Presidents That George Can Name

History is not George’s strong suit. His talent is more along the lines of “being a puppet for a group of war mongering NeoCons lead by the ultimate asshole, Dick Cheney.” But if his brother Jeb can somehow secure victory for yet another President Bush administration, that would make it four presidents that George Junior can name.

#4. Jeb Could Finally Finish That War With Iraq For His Daddy

Oh wait, George already did that. Never mind.

#3. George Wants To Go Back To The Rose Garden And Dig Up The Time Capsule He Buried

In January of 2002, George put the country’s economy and international relationships into a big box, closed up the lid, and buried the box in the Rose Garden. If his brother Jeb wins, George will be able to go back to the White House as a guest and dig up the time capsule. If his brother the fiscal conservative (read: fiscal mystic) is in power, he can just set fire to the Middle Class once and for all an be done with it. Those Bushes, always finishing what their family members started for them.

#2. Jeb Can Appoint Him “Co-President”

The George W. Bush Administration will go down in history as an administration that greatly increased the power of the Executive branch. Wielding the power of a post-9/11 paranoia that swept the nation, his eight years saw the birth of a new governmental agency (Homeland Security) and the Patriot Act which gave sweeping new powers to the government and specifically to the president. George just figures Jeb can continue that family tradition and create a whole new position, “Co-President.” Sure, that pesky Constitution says someone can’t be the President for more than two terms in total, but it doesn’t say anything about co-presidents. And as we all know, Bushes don’t mind being a bit inventive with the Constitutional to begin with.

#1. Maybe Jeb Will Fuck It Up Worse Than George!

Deep down, George probably feels the pressure of being the Worst President of All Time, and he’d like someone else to take over the part. If you look at the presidencies of Bush I and Bush II, there was a marked decline in popularity and effectiveness. Neither Bush left office very popular or considered very successful, and if the trend line continues, Bush III could be the worst Bush presidency yet! And that would most certainly help Dubya’s reputation out substantially. Plus, “Second-Worst President of All Time” just has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?