President Obama’s assault on vice law sanity is ramping up here in California again. Despite recent polls that show a growing majority of Americans would be totally fine with pot being legalized, taxed and regulated like tobacco and alcohol, the Obama White House has been once again sending letters to California pot dispensaries threatening them with closure and imprisonment. I get it, Mr. President, you’re in charge of the country and the execution and enforcement of the laws as they are currently written. But we all know that you know pot laws are bullshit. I can’t for the life of me figure out why he wants to go down as such a massive hypocrite, but here are five of my best guesses as to his motivation for continuing the insane war on marijuana. If you smoke weed then check out how to pass a drug test.
Hey, maybe the president is just a little out of touch. I mean, it can’t be easy being the leader of the free world and intellectually honest about a drug that has been unfairly and rather idiotically classified as being just as dangerous as heroin and cocaine. Maybe whenever someone shouts “hypocrite” at him he just thinks they’re trying to get him to break into a new dance move he saw on YouTube the other day. It’s as good a guess as any.
#4. He Views Pot Laws As A Social Program To Keep Minority Men Off the Streets
Sure, it’d be better if we were giving African-Americans and other minority groups that are disproportionately arrested and convicted of minor marijuana laws scholarships and tutoring. Sure, maybe if we took a real, active interest in ending poverty in our cities through strengthening our schools, we’d have fewer dropouts and more college grads. But fuck it! Why shouldn’t we use our already overcrowded and overworked penitentiaries as holding pens for our black youth, right President Obama?
#3. He Keeps Confusing Marijuana With Black Tar Heroin
Hey, sure he smoked pot a long time ago, but that was like, a long time ago man. President Obama doesn’t even remember what pot is like. So he, like the FDA, has a really ass-backwards, idiotic and incorrect view of the “dangers” of pot. While no drug is harmless, Obama and his administration clearly feel that marijuana is one of the most dangerous things on the planet, more harmful in fact than an unmanned Predator drone firing a Hellfire missile into your neighbor’s hut because he’s a suspected terrorist and you had no fucking clue because you were just trying to live out your shitty existence in a third world country without dying of famine or in a civil war yourself, that is.
#2. He Smoked So Much Pot As A Kid That He Can’t Remember Smoking Pot And Therefore He Is Against Smoking Pot
Maybe it’s not even his fault. Maybe his hypocrisy is more about just not remembering that he smoked pot in the first place. I mean sure, plenty of super-smart people like Carl Sagan were well-known pot smokers. And sure, Sagan didn’t seem to have any issues whatsoever with his own intellect and memory. We can give Obama the benefit of the doubt though. I mean, why would he, an American politician, be cracking down so hard on American citizens who are just providing access to a substance he himself used to smoke all the fucking time in his youth? Questions. So many questions.
#1. Why Should Anyone Else Get To Be Both a Chronic Weed Smoker and the President In Their Lifetime?
The bottom line is something that I’m not going to be the first or the last person to point out — if Obama had been caught as a young black man partaking in his Choom Gang activities, there’s a more than even chance he’d never have become a Senator, much less the President of the United States. I mean, I’d have no problem voting for someone who’s smoked pot, even a whole shitload of it, in his lifetime. That’s might just be me though. Apparently not everyone realizes that their own personal experience with the drug should tell them how completely over the back end of reality and sanity our vice laws in this country have gotten. So rather than just presume that Obama is the latest in a long line of political hypocrites, let’s just assume the memory loss is associated with the amount of marijuana our own, dear, Commander in Chief partook of.