Monthly Archives: April, 2023

New Tennessee Law Requires All Transformers Toys to Only Have Car Mode

If you're a parent living in Tennessee and buying your child a Transformer for their upcoming birthday, you might want to consider purchasing it within the next two weeks. That is, unless you think your kid will want a...

Boebert Proposes Lowering the Debt Basement Instead of Raising the Debt Ceiling

"Representative Boebert had an epiphany -- there's more than just a ceiling in a house. There's a bottom part." Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) proposed a rather novel idea to her fellow Republicans during a recent conference meeting, according to several...

Naming Marjorie Taylor Greene His VP Would Double the IQ of Trump’s Ticket to 46

Former President Donald Trump really wants to make an attempt at a third popular vote loss in next year's presidential election. Though Trump has his sights set on the White House, there is still much about his legal status...

DeSantis Orders Disney World to Immediately Reverse “Splash Mountain” Update

Imagineers at Walt Disney World have one week from today to immediately halt and reverse any changes that have already been made to the ride known as "Splash Mountain," according to a new executive decree signed by Florida Governor...

Cruz Withholding 2024 Endorsement Until He Hears Every Candidate’s Stance on His Ugly Wife

Though the next presidential election is still over a year away, the machinations involved in selected the two major parties' nominees has already begun in earnest. This week, President Joe Biden officially announced he was running for re-election, and he...

Russian State Media Hires New Ukraine War Correspondent

Today, the Kremlin announced that Russia's state media has hired a new Ukraine War correspondent, and according to the press release, it all came together over a matter of days. A portion of the press release follows. "It is with...

Why Is Stephen Miller’s Mother’s Vagina Replacing Tucker Carlson at Fox News?

"We just figured one racist cunt could replace another and our audience would be none the wiser for it." - Anonymous Fox News Source The world of conservative media was rocked this morning when Fox News announced that it had...

Twitter Makes It Easier to Identify Verified Suckers and Fascists

Since taking over as Twitter's owner and Chief Executive Officer, billionaire hair plug recipient and alt-right activist troll Elon Musk has made several changes. Though it's unclear from public reporting if it was his intention, Musk's decisions while at...

Surprised Doctors Pronounce Lauren Boebert Not Brain Dead

A visibly surprised team of doctors at Colorado State Hospital made an announcement this morning that their team leader said he "couldn't believe" they were making. We had a reporter on the scene who brought us the details of...

Alabama GOP Wants Separate Drinking Fountains for Transgender People

This morning, on a party line vote, an Alabama state legislative committee approved a bill that if passed and signed into law would set aside millions of dollars to install additional drinking fountains throughout the state. The new fountains...

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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...