Monthly Archives: January, 2023

George Santos Announces Kitara Ravache Will Handle His Committee Assignments

Congressman George Santos (Q-NY) has had a pretty rough start to his freshman year in the House of Representatives. Before he had even been administered his oath of office, Santos was embroiled in a slew of scandalous accusations that he...

Jim Jordan Promises House Investigation to Find Wife’s Clit

Rep. Jim Jordan (Q-OH) already has a healthy spate of investigations he's planning to conduct as chairman of the House Judiciary Committee. Jordan has not hidden the fact that he wants to look into several issues surrounding President Biden's...

MTG Vows to Show Baby Killing Dems She No Longer Believes Wild Conspiracy Theories

Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) will serve on a pair of congressional committees for the next two years, which is almost certainly repayment from alleged Speaker Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) for her support in his historic, 15-round attempt to wrest...

Santos Honors All 6 Million of His Mothers Who Died at Auschwitz on Holocaust Remembrance Day

Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's a day in which solemn tributes to the victims of Adolf Hitler's genocidal rampage during World War II are made all over the globe. Not wanting to be left out of the festivities,...

46th Smartest President Allowed Back on Facebook and Instagram

Citing their policy to be "open to humans of all intelligence levels," Meta has announced that they will lift their ban, and the 46th smartest President of the United States will be allowed to post on Facebook and Instagram...

DeSantis Demands Floridians Call February “White People Have History, Too Month”

Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) signed an executive order today that will go into effect on February 1st, and will demand that all Floridians stop calling February "Black History Month." "With a stroke of my mighty pen," DeSantis said while wearing...

Mike Pence Returns Classified Docs and Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics to Proper Authorities

This morning, a courier hired by former Vice President High Priest Mike Pence delivered unmarked envelopes to two different locations. When asked about this on Fox News, Pence explained why he hired the courier. "I told that nice, strapping, hard...

After Recent Mass Shootings, George Santos Apologizes for Inventing the Gun

Just this week, three separate mass shootings rocked California, a state with relatively stronger gun laws. Whether or not  more permissive laws in neighboring states like Nevada or Arizona play a role in the number of guns that can...

MTG Wants to Subpoena the President, CEO, and Captain of Antifa

This week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed a bill in the House of Representatives that, if passed into law, would designate Antifa as a domestic terrorist organization. This morning, Ms. Greene explained to reporters just how far she...

NRA Congratulates California on Two Mass Shootings in Two Days

This week, California saw to two deadly mass shootings in two consecutive days. They mark the 38th and 39th mass shootings this year, though there have been fewer than thirty days that have elapsed thus far. In response to the...

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DeSantis Wants $6 Billion to Build Bonfire Pits at Every Florida Library

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) wants the state's legislature to give his administration $6 billion in taxpayer funds so...