Monthly Archives: April, 2022

Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

With pressure mounting even from within his own party -- such as a sitting U.S. Senator from his home state -- to investigate allegations he participated in insider trading, freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) denied such allegations. Rep. Cawthorn...

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon Musk's offer to buy it was accepted more than a day ago, and my old account, which was banned under the previous Leftist Woketopian Twitter...

Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

Last week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) took the witness stand in the first hearing to determine her eligibility to seek re-election. Greene's candidacy has been challenged by a group of voters in her own district, on grounds that...

Disney Tells DeSantis They’ll Get Tough on Groomers and Bans Evangelical Christians From Park

In a letter to Gov. Ron DeSantis sent this afternoon via special courier, the Walt Disney Company announced that evangelical Christians are no longer welcome at Disney World, at least while DeSantis is governor. https://youtu.be/yHybeFuJiDc MORE: Of Course I Believe a...

Ivanka, Jared, Eric, and Don Jr ‘Disappointed’ Hunter Biden Used His Name for Personal Gain

If there is one thing that everyone knows about the crotch-fruit of Donald Trump, it's that they absolutely loathe and despise any form of nepotism, and are outraged when they see someone using their famous name and wealthy, well-connected...

Democrats Will Just Debate a Literal Sack of Shit in 2024

This week, the Republican National Committee officially ended its relationship with the commission that has run presidential debates for decades. Perhaps to the surprise of few who have paid attention to the right's complaints about presidential debates for quite...

Of Course I Believe a Billionaire Wants to Protect My Freedom of Speech. I’m a Fucking Moron.

What's all this fuss about Elon Musk's hostile takeover attempt of Twitter? By now, don't we plebs understand that rich, white men are absolutely entitled to take with hostility anything they so desire? So what if Elon's family got rich on the...

When Glenn Greenwald Can’t Sleep, He Lays in Bed and Counts Dead Ukrainians

There is only one real, authentic, actual journalist left in the world. Luckily for humanity, Glenn Greenwald, Super Journalist, happens to have impeccable, flawless journalistic integrity, and if you don't believe him, Glenn will give you all kinds of...

Putin Endorses Trump’s Endorsement of Dr. Oz

Last week, former President Donald Trump attempted to play kingmaker again, and waded into a hotly contested Republican Senate primary race. Trump seemed to upend the political calculations of his party when he endorsed fellow TV carnival barker Dr....

Report: Marjorie Taylor Greene Doesn’t Let Water Within 20 Feet of Her

Ever since she was sworn into office in January of 2021, freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) has required her staff to abide by certain rules. According to sources with knowledge of the situation, Greene's employment guidelines are simple,...

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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...