Monthly Archives: November, 2021

Pro-Life Republican Can’t Wait to Get His Picture Taken With Double Murderer

SHITDICK FLATS, ILLINOIS -- 42 year old non-union, out of work carpenter Marcus Palumbozo uses three terms to describe his views and opinions. "Pro-life, Pro-God, Anti-Commie. That's it. You could boil down my entire essence into those three things, no...

Melania Trump’s Husband Only Interested in Ivanka’s NFT

Today, former Third First Lady Melania Trump announced that she was entering the world of NFTs. Mrs. Trump's NFT will feature watercolor paintings of her "cobalt" eyes. As excited as Melania might be about her new venture, there's one man...

Sen. Warren Proposes 80% ‘Billionaire Twatwaffle Tax’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) unveiled legislation that would institute a new 80% tax on all all wealth accumulated by, as Warren describes them, "billionaire twatwaffles." "Not trying to single any one, singular billionaire twatwaffle out...

Meadows Said National Guard Would ‘Protect Pro-Toothless Incestuous Racism People’ on Jan. 6

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Texts and emails turned over to the January 6th Congressional Committee by former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows indicate that he made certain assurances to people within his former boss's administration before an attempted...

White House Tells Paul They’ll Send KY the Bootstraps He Wanted to Send After Hurricane Maria

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Soon, thousands of bootstraps will be delivered to local emergency response teams in Kentucky. According to White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, President Joe Biden met this morning with Sen. Rand Paul (Q-KY), who represents the Coal...

Man Can’t Find Clitoris or Woman to Debate Gender Wage Gap With Him

CELIBATE HILLS, NEW JERSEY -- 28 year old Matthew J. Palumbo is what many people in his hometown describe as a "loser," a "conspiracy theory peddling fascist," a "white nationalist douchebag," and an "incel." Mr. Palumbo told us in...

Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Conservative America has been highly focused on what is being described in certain circles as the most egregious attacks in the left's long-running war on Christmas in quite some time, if not...

Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the events of January 6th, 2021 aware that he will no longer be cooperating with them. Instead, Meadows' attorney told reporters, he...

Devin Nunes Retiring from Congress to Spend More Time With Trump’s Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressfuck Devin Nunes announced yesterday that he will not seek re-election next year. Many speculated that Nunes was motivated by California's independent congressional redistricting commission's new map that should make his own district lean Democratic. However, this...

Fauci Warns MAGAs: You Can Get Omicron from Cousin Despite Taking Ivermectin or Wearing Condom

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Appearing before the Senate Oversight and Pumpkin Pie Recipe Committee this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci warned Americans to "take caution" in preparing for their holiday gatherings and reunions. Fauci had ominous words for those living in...

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Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner Research might be quite devastating for residents of...