Monthly Archives: August, 2021

Republicans Outraged Milley Showed More Loyalty to Country Than Trump’s Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For decades, the American people heard a steady refrain from the right-wing of the political spectrum in this country: "Respect the military." Increasingly, however, congressional Republicans are showing that might not be their party's mantra any...

God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, House Democrats passed a bill that, if signed into law, would codify the right to an abortion, ahead of the Supreme Court hearing arguments in a case that could gut the 1973 Roe v. Wade...

Flynn: “Q Told Me Biden is Putting COVID Vaccines in Busch Beer and Marlboro Reds”

Disgraced former General Mike Flynn is pretty sure that the Biden administration is sneaking COVID-19 vaccines into the bodies of unsuspecting members of MAGA nation; he's just not entirely sure which methods the government is using. Already this week,...

Trump Warns Boebert He’ll Never Be President Again if Potential Rape Victims Are Armed

FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Former one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump issued a direct statement to one of his most loyal and ardent supporters this morning, demanding that she stop pushing to arm women to keep them...

Local Fuckface Still Crying and Lying About Losing

FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Residents of America's Dong State are probably used to hosting all sorts of con men, liars, racists, and general fuckfaces. It's hard to throw a rock in this country and not hit a story about...

Early Data Shows Justice for J6 Rally Drew Crowd With More Teeth Than IQ Points

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On Saturday, organizers held the "Justice for J6" rally in the nation's capitol where just eight months prior an angry, pro-MAGA mob attempted to subvert democracy and install Donald Trump into a second term as president....

Ivanka Confirms No Change in Her Dad’s Balls Since Getting COVID-19 Vaccine

NEPOTISM LAKE, FLORIDUH -- It's probably the most frequently asked question at every American dinner table this week: Will getting a COVID-19 vaccine shot have an effect on your testicles? Assuming one has them, the issue of whether or not...

Tucker Carlson Will Interview Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Balls on Tonight’s Show

"I really think it makes sense for a dick like me to interview a couple of nuts." - Tucker Carlson Tonight, Fox News host and white supremacist Tucker Carlson will have a guest that is sure to make headlines the...

Club Owner Not Sure Who This “Jim Breuer” Guy Is, But Is Requiring Audience Vaccination Anyway

"You're saying he's done something remotely comedic in the last 20 years?" HARDIHAR FALLS, MINNESOTA -- Recently, vintage comedian Jim Breuer announced that he would not book any shows with venues that require audiences to get a COVID-19 vaccination before...

Barrett Worries Her MAGA Hat Might Make People Think the Court Has Become Political

"It could only be this hat, and not the fact that Mitch McConnell didn't wait until Ginsburg's corpse was stiff before rushing me onto the bench, that's for sure!" - Justice Amy Covid Barrett WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking to a...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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