Monthly Archives: July, 2021

Autopsy Shows Babbitt Died of Fuckedaroundandfoundoutitis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the coroner in charge of overseeing hopeful domestic terrorist Ashli Babbitt's autopsy revealed new information and reported a new, updated cause of death. "After carefully looking back over the previous examinations, and conducting one more...

Local Moron Sees Inconvenience as Tyranny

LAKE SKIPPY, TENNESSEE -- Jack "Dipshit" McPhuckphace is known throughout his sleepy town as a moron. In fact, McPhuckphace is such a moron he's won a prize at the state fair each year for the last two decades for...

Bible Belt Teenage Incest Pregnancies Skyrocket After Fauci Reiterates Effectiveness of Condoms

The American Medical Union of America released a report this week that indicates Anthony Fauci may have even less influence over pro-MAGA Americans than was even considered possible only a few weeks ago. At a press conference Tuesday morning,...

Laura Ingraham Reveals She Watches “Django Unchained” Backwards When Flicking Her Bean

Nobody asked for it. In fact, nobody insofar as we can tell was even talking about the subject. But last night, Laura Ingraham -- known in MAGA circles as "Frau Lolo Von Ingrahitler" -- revealed to her Fox News...

DeSantis Orders All Florida High Schoolers to Participate in Unvaccinated Make-Out Parties

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) has issued an ultimatum to every high school student in his state -- make out with someone who has COVID, or else. "With this order, the people of Florida can rest assured that...

Shockingly, Former Crack Head Might Not Have Been Right About Trump’s Reinstatement

The big day came. The big day went. Despite months of promises and assurances to the contrary, however, when the sun set on August 13th, 2021, Joe Biden was still Donald J. Trump's president. Does this mean that Mike Lindell,...

Lindell: Trump Will Give Reinstatement Speech Written by a Team of Minotaurs

Tomorrow is it. The Big Day. An historic and truly unprecedented moment in history. A defeated U.S. President will be restored to his golden throne, and the man most responsible for making it happen, MyPillow and MyCrackPipe CEO Mike...

Twitter Temporarily Suspends Horse Faced Anti-Vaxxer’s Account

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Horse faced cave troll and freshman Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) won't be tweeting at all for the next seven days. This morning Twitter suspended Greene's account for a tweet about COVID-19 vaccines that...

Greene: Car Seat Laws are ‘Tyranny’ and Parents Should ‘Resist’ Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Cloven-footed freshman Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told a group of maskless, pro-MAGA churchgoers this morning that she believes the "government has gotten too used to bein' all tyrannical and stuff," and she says it's "high...

CDC: Increased Risk of COVID Infection After Exposure to Blathering, Right-Wing Morons

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The CDC held an urgent press conference this morning during which Dr. Allison Cooper stopped just short of begging Americans to turn off Fox News, OAN, and NewsMax. "At this point in time, what we can say...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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