Monthly Archives: June, 2021

Unvaccinated America First Patriot Refuses to Wear a Mask or Condom While Raw-Dogging His Cousin

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- In an interview soon to be published in American ConservaFascist Today, Jethro Bohiggins -- right-wing podcaster, singer/writer -- says he will never wear a mask, or a condom, while having sex with his cousin,...

Charlie Kirk Wins Gold Medal for Having a Terrifyingly Small Face on a Hilariously Giant Head

Right-wing provocateur Charlie Kirk made waves today when he lashed out and criticized multiple-gold medal winning American gymnast Simone Biles, who took herself out competition for the team finals last night in Tokyo. Kirk blasted Biles for explaining her...

GOP Election Audits Prove Biden’s Presidency Can Only Last Three and a Half More Years

The results of two major pretend-audits in Arizona and Georgia are starting to come in, and Cyber Ninjas, the company that performed them, says that they're showing "clear-ish and semi-obvious potential evidence" that could threaten the presidency of Joe...

The Moron League of America Expels Marjorie Greene Over Anti-Vaxxer Comments

The longest-running association of morons has officially expelled a sitting member of Congress, a first for the organization. In a press release given to media outlets today, the Moron League of America has kicked Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA)...

Patriotic American Rooting For Socialist Countries to Beat U.S. Women’s Soccer Team

WHISTLING DICK LAKE, FLORIDA -- 34-year-old Marcus Palumbo is a self-described "über patriot," and often tells his friends he "bleeds red, white, and blue." The Olympics are a special time for Palumbo, because he loves America so much, and...

Scientists Unable to Predict if Ted Cruz Can Evolve Past Booger-Eating Fascist Stage

To say that Ted Cruz's political career is unique would be an understatement, given that he is -- at least as far as anyone knows -- the only booger-eating fascist currently serving in Congress. While there are certainly many...

Patriot Will Get Vaccinated If The Sunlight He’s Shooting Up His Ass Doesn’t Work First

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins has already fought off two COVID-19 infections, but as he told his audience this weekend, he has "absolutely zero plans" to take one of the three currently approved...

Data Suggests Literally Nobody Gives a Fuck What Ted Cruz Thinks About Anything

Does anybody in America actually give a fuck what Senator Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) thinks about any given subject? New data seems to suggest not in the slightest. In a new report published in the New American Journal of Learning Shit,...

Jenna Ellis Leaves GOP to Form ‘Trump’s Balls Party’

MT. SHITDICK, COLORADO -- Jenna Ellis, an attorney who represented former, one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump's efforts to steal last year's election from Joe Biden, has decided it's time for her to leave the Republican Party. During...

Trump’s CPAC 2021 Speech Was So Full of Shit, He Had to Write it in an Outhouse

This weekend, former, one-term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump retreated to a place of familiar comfort, a safe space for his ego. In a meandering speech, Trump addressed the Conservative Political Action Committee -- CPAC -- once more....
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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