Monthly Archives: May, 2021

PA Supreme Court Affirms Rich Men’s Right to Rape

HARRISBURG, PENNSYLVANIA -- The Supreme Court of the State of Pennsylvania today affirmed the right of any rich man in the Keystone State to rape with impunity -- provided there is a questionable deal to avoid prosecution between prosecutors...

Tucker Carlson: NSA Agents Were in His Closet Spying and One of The Agents Looked at Him

"NSA agents were in my closet, making reports, and I saw one of the reports, and one of the agents looked at me!" - Tucker Carlson On his show this week, Fox News host Tucker Carlson made yet another fairly...

Barr Was So Angered by Trump’s Election Lies He Almost Regretted All the Lies He Told for Trump

Americans who believed that former Attorney General William Barr was not much more than a bought-and-paid-for "yes" man, a living, breathing legal rubber stamp, willing to defend and give cover to any idea that his boss had, had good...

Stupid Fuck Rants In Front of Crowd of Stupid Fucks From Ohio

WELLINGTON, OHIO -- One of his staffers called it a "return to his former stupidity-laced glory." Another said it was a "chance to show the world the kind of bold idiocy" American leaders to possess. However one choose to...

Mitch McConnell Named Oncology Magazine’s ‘Cancer of the Millennium’

Throughout his lengthy career in politics, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-Moscow) has won a few awards, mostly from right-of-center think tanks and conservative institutions. This week, McConnell racked up one more trophy, this time from the world's only...

DNA Test Proves Lahren and McEnany Came From Same Sewage Plant as Coulter and Ingraham

Results from a recently conducted DNA test indicate that four of the most popular female conservative "fire brand" commentators all likely came from the same sewage treatment plant. According to LabTest, Inc., they recently finished testing DNA samples provided by...

Gaetz Volunteers to House Any Unaccompanied 17-Year-Old Girls Found at the Border

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Hailing himself as a "true American patriot and hero," Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) told reporters today that he is going to open up his home, and host any 17-year-old girls who are apprehended by border patrol...

Ivanka’s Never Been So Sure Her Dad’s Not Batman

"My first clue was that unlike Bruce Wayne, Daddy's a billionaire who doesn't care about anyone but himself. But then, yeah, the eating pussy thing." When you grow up with an allegedly wealthy father, who is supposed to be a...

Basic White Woman Not Sure She Should Care If People of Color Can Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Kyrsten Sinema (D?-AZ) is the current chair of the Senate Basic White Woman Caucus. Comprised of women who are white, and extremely basic in their whiteness, the SBWWC's charter states it is "devoted to pretending...

O’Reilly and Trump to Tour KFCs and Women’s Locker Rooms Later This Year

Last week, it was announced that former, one-term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald Trump, who has yet to win more votes on aggregate than his Democratic opponent, would embark on a speaking tour with former Fox News host Bill O'Reilly....
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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