Monthly Archives: January, 2021

Matt Gaetz Tells CPAC He Won’t Let Trump ‘Pull Out Until He Finishes’

A visibly evident and olfactorily confirmed drunk Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) slurred and stammered his way through a long-winded speech today during the 2021 CPAC conference. The Conservative Political Action Conference is an annual confab of the country's loudest and...

Update: Stephen Miller is Still a Bald, Racist Cunt

When one thinks back on the four year diarrhea buffet that was the Trump administration, it's hard not to, at some point, think about his most diarrhea-tastic adviser -- Stephen Miller. Of course, some might know Mr. Miller by...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Requests Medical Crack Exception From House Leadership

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has a lot of time on her hands, now that she's been completely stripped of her committee assignments. Some reports have placed Rep. Greene around D.C., standing in front of WalMarts and...

Surgeon General Recommends Shitting on Ted Cruz Twice Daily

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The acting Surgeon General of the United States has issued a new set of guidelines for the continued health and well-being of the American people. While most of Rear Admiral Susan Orsega's health guidelines won't come...

United Airlines Ending Its Frequent Fuckface Miles Program

United Airlines has announced that after careful consideration of the events of the past 48 hours they will be ending their Frequent Fuckface Miles program, effective immediately. The Frequent Fuckface Miles rewards system is a favorite among misanthropic politicians...

Pat Robertson: God Will Warm Texas If He Stops Watching “Magic Mike” for Research Purposes Twelve Times a Week

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Living fossil and televangelist Pat Robertson often speaks to God about what's going in the United States. In particular, Robertson will dialogue with God about natural disasters and weather phenomenon. Usually, God tells Robertson exactly...

Satan Tells Limbaugh to ‘Fuck Off Out Of Here’

HELL -- Satan "Billy" Beelzebub does not want recently deceased radio host Rush Limbaugh "anywhere within 500 eternal yards" of Hell, and he made his feelings quite well known, directly to Limbaugh's face. "What makes you think I want you,...

Jim Jordan Blames Cancel Culture for His Miniscule Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Jim Jordan has a very, very, very, very small dick. Jordan's dick is so small that Former President Donald Trump's dick looks like a Mack truck compared to Jordan's phallus. Jim Jordan's penis is so small...

Senate Republicans Wish Every American a Happy Sucking-Off Insurrectionist Former Presidents Day!

Today, kids all across America are off from school, banks are closed, and the mail isn't running because it's a federal holiday. Today is the day that Americans celebrate the time-honored tradition of sucking off insurrectionist former presidents throughout...

Impeachment: Hawley Says He Hasn’t Heard Convincing Evidence From Within Trump’s Peepee Hole

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- From his vantage point, Senator Josh Hawley (Q-MO) says he hasn't seen any evidence that should convict the former president of the United States on the article of impeachment brought against him by the House of...
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- The Governor of Florida is bound and determined to get police officers unvaccinated against COVID-19 to...
- Advertisement -spot_img