Monthly Archives: October, 2020

Asshole Dresses as President for Final Halloween in the White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the fourth consecutive year, the asshole who lives in the White House has chosen his Halloween costume, and he's chosen...

Biden Plans to Deploy Official Democrat Antifa Squads In the Event of Post-Election Civil Unrest

SCHLANGE LAKE, FLORIDA -- Just after concluding a campaign stop in Florida this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden told reporters that if he...

Televangelist Publishes “MAGA-Friendly” Bible Just Three Pages Long

HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Bill Millen, a self-described "televangelist for Trump," told his flock today that he has released a new, "MAGA-friendly" edition of...

Ivanka: “America Needs the Leadership of Small Hands and Even Smaller Genitals”

OLD BALLS, FLORIDA -- Addressing a rally for her father, held in a small city just a few miles south of Orlando, First Lady...

Merriam-Webster Redefines the Word “Cunty”

The fact of the matter is that English, like all language, is an artform and communication tool constantly in a state of evolution. Slang...

Justice Barrett Gets Permission from Husband to Start First Day on Supreme Court

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- All the hearings had been held. All the votes, for and against her confirmation had been cast. Her oaths had been...

FBI Investigating Contents of Eric Trump’s See ‘n Say

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A truly stunning announcement was just made by the FBI at its headquarters in the nation's capital. "Just after lunch time, one...

Trump Demands Every Vote Cast For Him Is Counted ‘At Least Once’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With just over a week to go until Election Day, President Donald Trump is demanding that state election boards ensure votes...

Matt Gaetz Says ‘Trump’s Bootyhole Had the Dewy Essence of Victory’ After Final Debate With Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Matt Gaetz, a Republican from Florida, makes no bones about his support for President Donald Trump. His loyalty is complete,...

Cousin Fucker Says He Wasn’t Fondling His Cousin Fucking Junk No Matter How Much It Looks Like It

One of the world's most famous cousin fuckers is denying that he was doing anything inappropriate in a now widely-discussed scene from an upcoming...

To Sidestep Having His Mic Cut, Trump Plans to Share Biden’s Podium

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump absolutely loves to interrupt and talk over his debate opponents. He did it to Hillary Clinton consistently in their...

Through Tears of Joy, Lung Cancer Tells Radio Audience Its Stage 4 Limbaugh Infection Has ‘Almost Run Its Course’

CHINGADERO GORDO, FLORIDA -- Fighting through tears of joy, Lung Cancer told its radio audience today that it was "pleased and excited" to announce...

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