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Religion

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...
Arts & Entertainment

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin Pewpsin. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not necessarily this outlet, its ownership, or staff. "It baffled me. Truly. I learn to read, and more importantly...
Lifestyle

God Told Me Oklahoma Kids Will Be ‘Stupid as Fuck’ After the Bible is Taught in Schools

"...do they really think it covers me in glory to have a bunch of...
U.S. Politics

Someone Accidentally Sent Me a Copy of The Biden/Trump Debate Questions

Don't ask me how it happened, but it would appear that someone at CNN...
U.S. Politics

Steve Bannon Wants You to Send Him Copies of Obama’s and Hillary’s Books While He’s in Prison

"I aggressively fantasize about both of them in my dreams." After writing about politics for...
U.S. Politics

Ashley’s Diary, Hunter’s Laptop, Obama’s Birth Certificate, and the Bible: All the Facts I Need

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump 2024 surrogate Dustin Pewpsin....
U.S. Politics

Betrayal? RFK’s Brain Worms Just Endorsed Donald Trump

"Much like how an Evangelical Christian can read the Bible and not know anything...
History

Every Former President Ranked from Least to Most Felony Convictions

Our regular readers will likely recall that part of our mission statement here --...
Criminal Justice

When Will Biden Call Off His War on Rapey Conmen Coup Conspirators?

The following editorial was written by Jethro Bohiggins -- a pro-MAGA singer/songwriter and podcast host. The views and opinions expressed herein are only those...
Criminal Justice

The RNC Will Officially Change Its Platform to Be Very, Very, Very, Very Soft on Crime

"...you need to do what happens to my TOTALLY NORMAL AND ABOVE-AVERAGE LENGTH PEEN...
U.S. Politics

If I Don’t Have a Biden Flag, Biden Shoes, or Biden Bible, Am I Really Voting for Biden?

PROF. McTERRY: And who won the election? JAMES: Well, I don't fuck my cousin, so I know...
U.S. Politics

If I Don’t Have a Biden Flag, Biden Shoes, or Biden Bible, Am I Really Voting for Biden?

PROF. McTERRY: And who won the election? JAMES: Well, I don't fuck my cousin, so I know...

Entertainment

Arts & Entertainment

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Arts & Entertainment

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...
Arts & Entertainment

To Save Trump’s Business Empire, It’s Time to Hand Control to Taylor Swift

Clearly, nobody currently on Team Trump has any idea how to run a business...
Arts & Entertainment

George Santos Talked to Us About His Inspiration Behind Steamboat Willie

"...when you're someone like me -- and granted there are so very few who...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...
MAGA News

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...
Arts & Entertainment

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...
Criminal Justice

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...
Conservative Media

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...
U.S. Politics

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...

MAGA

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
MAGA News

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...
Arts & Entertainment

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...
Criminal Justice

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

Business/Economy

Conservative Media

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans he thought he could plant so he could climb a...
Economy

McCarthy: Poor People Should at Least Pretend to Work Like He Does For His Six Figure Salary

"Speaker McCarthy is just getting a little sick and tired of all the Poorsy...
Economy

3 Important Reasons Bank Execs Need Bailouts But You Don’t Need Welfare

Dustin Pewpsin is a self-described "conservative AF amateur economist and professional politics watcher." He...
Business

Disney World Offering Free Bud Light to Every Transgender Guest This Summer

Transgender guests of Walt Disney World can receive a rather special perk this summer, according to sources within the company. In leaked records provided to us, it appears that Disney executives are about to green light a special promotion that would give free Bud...
Business

DeSantis Bans Minecraft Because ‘Kids Can Get Hoes’ In It

Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida has used much of his second term in office to publicly wage a series of cultural wars. DeSantis has...

Sports

Sports

Call Me Old Fashioned, But Women Shouldn’t Be Dancing at Football Games

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator Dustin Pewpsin. The views and opinions...
Religion

Jesus Christ Wonders How Many Poor People You Can Feed for Two Super Bowl Ads

Today, Jesus Hubert Christ held his weekly heavenly press conference. One reporter asked the...
Sports

Kari Lake Tells Newsmax She Can Prove The Eagles Actually Won Super Bowl LVII

In an interview this morning, certified election loser and Not Arizona's Governor Kari Lake...
LGTBQ+

Matt Gaetz to Personally Collect Florida’s Student Athlete Menstrual Data

The State of Florida is set to begin collecting menstrual data from its high...
Sports

DeSantis Bans Talking About Super Bowl LVI Halftime Show in the Classroom

TALAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Teachers in America's Dong State are forbidden from discussing the halftime show presented at Super Bowl LVI this past weekend, according to a new order signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q). On Sunday, legends of hip hop took to the stage during...

Science & Medicine

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)