Betrayal? RFK’s Brain Worms Just Endorsed Donald Trump

"Much like how an Evangelical Christian can read the Bible and not know anything about Christianity, we eat brains, but get no intellectual benefit...

Every Former President Ranked from Least to Most Felony Convictions

Our regular readers will likely recall that part of our mission statement here -- outside of providing the Internet's premiere destination for burrito recipes of course -- is a commitment to bringing a "historical perspective" on current events. Recently, a former president was convicted on...

When Will Biden Call Off His War on Rapey Conmen Coup Conspirators?

The following editorial was written by Jethro Bohiggins -- a pro-MAGA singer/songwriter and podcast...

The RNC Will Officially Change Its Platform to Be Very, Very, Very, Very Soft on Crime

"...you need to do what happens to my TOTALLY NORMAL AND ABOVE-AVERAGE LENGTH PEEN...

If I Don’t Have a Biden Flag, Biden Shoes, or Biden Bible, Am I Really Voting for Biden?

PROF. McTERRY: And who won the election? JAMES: Well, I don't fuck my cousin, so I know...

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the...

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

To Save Trump’s Business Empire, It’s Time to Hand Control to Taylor Swift

Clearly, nobody currently on Team Trump has any idea how to run a business...

George Santos Talked to Us About His Inspiration Behind Steamboat Willie

"...when you're someone like me -- and granted there are so very few who...

First It’s Green Day. Who’s Next – Rage Against the Machine?!

The following editorial was written by Chad Beefington, a right-wing commentator. The views and...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

Jesus Just Told Me He Probably Wouldn’t Vote for the “Rapey Sore Loser Guy”

Well, America, you're about to do it. Again. We're gonna have a re-do of 2020....

I’m So Grateful Elon Rescued Twitter from Overly Political Owners So He Can Help Trump Win!

The following editorial was written and submitted by Dustin Pewpsin, a Republican strategist working...

I’m a Single Issue Voter, and It’s Enabling Right-Wing Authoritarians If I Don’t Get My Way

The following piece was submitted to us by reader Gary Neophite, who describes himself...

Alabama Authorities Are Looking for Me Because They Found Out I Had a Wet Dream

"I can't tell you where I'm at, or how long I'll be here, but...

I Just Got a Sneak Peak at Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Signature Shoe Line

"I lied to him and told him that I was a friend of the...

Why Aren’t Liberals Grateful to Live in the World’s Most Exceptional Shooting Range?

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and former NRA executive board member...

MAGA

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

Business/Economy

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans he thought he could plant so he could climb a...

McCarthy: Poor People Should at Least Pretend to Work Like He Does For His Six Figure Salary

"Speaker McCarthy is just getting a little sick and tired of all the Poorsy...

3 Important Reasons Bank Execs Need Bailouts But You Don’t Need Welfare

Dustin Pewpsin is a self-described "conservative AF amateur economist and professional politics watcher." He...

Disney World Offering Free Bud Light to Every Transgender Guest This Summer

Transgender guests of Walt Disney World can receive a rather special perk this summer, according to sources within the company. In leaked records provided to us, it appears that Disney executives are about to green light a special promotion that would give free Bud...

DeSantis Bans Minecraft Because ‘Kids Can Get Hoes’ In It

Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida has used much of his second term in office to publicly wage a series of cultural wars. DeSantis has...

Sports

Call Me Old Fashioned, But Women Shouldn’t Be Dancing at Football Games

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator Dustin Pewpsin. The views and opinions...

Jesus Christ Wonders How Many Poor People You Can Feed for Two Super Bowl Ads

Today, Jesus Hubert Christ held his weekly heavenly press conference. One reporter asked the...

Kari Lake Tells Newsmax She Can Prove The Eagles Actually Won Super Bowl LVII

In an interview this morning, certified election loser and Not Arizona's Governor Kari Lake...

Matt Gaetz to Personally Collect Florida’s Student Athlete Menstrual Data

The State of Florida is set to begin collecting menstrual data from its high...

DeSantis Bans Talking About Super Bowl LVI Halftime Show in the Classroom

TALAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Teachers in America's Dong State are forbidden from discussing the halftime show presented at Super Bowl LVI this past weekend, according to a new order signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q). On Sunday, legends of hip hop took to the stage during...

Science & Medicine