White House Leak: “President” Trump Says He’s ‘Never Met Any Roy Moore’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Screaming was heard last night from the halls of the White House as “President’ Donald Trump learns of the loss of accused pedophile Roy Moore in the Alabama special election to Democrat opponent (Senator) Doug Jones. Currently no official statement has been made by the White House on the result, however there was last night a surprise Tweet in which the “President” took the time to congratulate Mr. Jones on his win.

That congratulatory tweet was followed today by a number of others in which he began to backtrack on his firm support for the Republican losing candidate Roy Moore — giving some indication of the official line which will be taken by his administration following the results.

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While there is not current indication of when a formal White House statement will be made, a leak from the White House last night suggests that Mr. Trump has already programmed the Sarah Huckabee Bot with the official line that he has “never met Roy Moore, doesn’t know a Roy Moore, doesn’t know where a Roy Moore can be found,” claiming instead that Mr. Moore was “an errand boy, nothing more, an intern who no one knew of and who didn’t do anything.”

Although full analysis of the voter breakdown and reasons for Moore’s loss is yet to take place, some political commentators are already speculating that part of the reason for the result is due to a large number of potential votes for Roy Moore not being cast following his supporters running away in fear after finding their ballots were to be handed to them by women, or were printed using black ink.

The White House could not be reached for immediate comment.

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