Watching the Tea Party Gleefully Immolate the GOP

Congratulations, Tea Party! Some might say that your historical contribution will be summed up as a big fat zero, but I say “hold your horses” to that. You have absolutely accomplished something. That something is the lowest recorded approval rating for the Republican Party in Gallup’s history, but it’s something. 

Now, I know the impulse is going to be strong to blame The Takers, the Libtards, The Socialist Maobama Loving Kool-Aid Drinkers, Saul Alinsky, Ben Gozzi, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Lyndon Johnson, Medicare, FDR, Social Security, the gays getting all uppity and wanting to not live life under constant threat of discrimination and physical abuse, black people being suddenly not okay with being shit on (they’ve always been not okay with it, Whitey McWhiterson), or any number of excuses that allow you to hold tightly to your hard-right ideology that essentially reads as follows:


But to borrow a phrase that you guys invented by splicing audio — because you know, it’s so hard to compare original tapes — You built that! 

And in this case, “that” means the total and complete immolation of the Grand Old Party. Oh sure, you guys control a lot of governor’s mansions, there is that. However, I don’t know if you’ve noticed it or not — but even those red state governors are starting to cave on Obamacare.

First Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, and now Ohio’s John Kasich is pushing hard to take the Medicare expansion built into Obamacare. As more and more people in the deeper red states start looking at how affordable health insurance has become in the states that do embrace Obamacare, Kasich and Brewer will be seen as just a couple of the first few Republican governors who will cave to public demand for better services from their government…which we all know is why you guys are so desperate to kill the ACA.

According to Gallup, only 28% of Americans view Republicans favorably. Again, this isn’t about a vast liberal conspiracy to make you all look like cold, unfeeling, oligarchic sociopaths who don’t want to be taxed a single dime, much less taxed at any rate that helps fulfill your part of the social contract we all make with one another. You handle that yourselves, with the words you push out of your mouths from your “brains.”

There’s a line that Jiminy Cricket says to Scrooge McDuck in “Mickey’s Christmas Carol” that often comes to mind when thinking about people like the Tea Party. Jiminy, playing the part of the Ghost of Christmas Past tells Scrooge that he “fashioned these memories” himself. In other words, you all decided 30 years to close in on yourself, start shutting down the large umbrella that Lincoln had opened up and that young Republicans had really expanded on during the Civil Rights movement in the south, and you started conflating Christian Values with Republican Values. The problem is that the brand of Christianity you bought into just doesn’t jibe with Jesus.

You’ve all cast so many stones it’s hard to imagine why your arms haven’t fallen off yet.

I openly admit to trolling places and communities online where conservatives like to congregate. It’s sort of like seeing how the other-half lives, and when they don’t have any fear about being judged for what they say, Tea Partiers are far more willing to spill their true feelings. From what I’ve seen around the Interwebs from tea swillers, there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind about why the GOP is circling the drain right now.

After the election, while the establishment was talking about doing “soul searching” to perhaps find new ways to reach out to new people, the hard-line teabaggers were screaming about Romney being too much a RINO to be elected. You can tell when a party is doomed when they lose elections by healthy margins and think the problem is their candidate wasn’t extremist enough. 

The time is coming where all the gerrymandering in all the world will not be able to keep the GOP in power. Seventeen seats flipping next year are really not that many at all. Three of the last four house elections have seen wider swings than that, two of which were in the Democrats’ favor, and this was without a right-wing coup de’tard shutting down the government.

There is only so much inanity that can be drowned out by fundamentalist voters in select areas. The truth is that the moderate Republicans in blue and purple states will suffer the most. They’ll be the ones cast out of the House, leaving the entrenched ideologues of the right in place, but heavily outnumbered.

It’s been both fun and frightening watching you guys torch the GOP on a national level. But you’re not quite done yet. I think I just saw Boehner’s hand shakily push up from the soil, desperately clamoring to get out of the six-foot deep hole your whole party’s in right now.

By all means — keep digging.




About James Schlarmann 1829 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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