Trump Asks Asian American Reporter To Make Egg Rolls For Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — While taking questions from reporters for the second day in a row, Co-President Donald Trump seemed to make a bit of a faux pas when interacting with an Asian American reporter. Yesterday, Trump raised eyebrows when he asked a black reporter if she could set up a meeting between himself and the Congressional Black Caucus, asking the reporter if she was “friends” with the caucus. Assuming that every black person knows each other may not be racist, but according to some it shows a stunning lack of sensitivity and basic sense.

When a reporter from The Chicago Backpage raised his hand to ask a question, Co-President Trump first did a bow like one might assume they’d need to do when meeting a Japanese dignitary. The reporter told him he was Korean American. Trump smiled and nodded as if he heard the reporter, but didn’t say anything. The Korean American reporter then asked Trump a question about his travel ban.

“People don’t get the travel ban okay,” Trump said, “it wasn’t a ban on Muslims. It was a ban on travelers from certain countries that are predominantly Muslim. Big difference. It’s like, if I said no one from Chingchong Land can come here, you’d assume that I meant you, of course. That makes total sense. But what I did was say no one from these seven specific Chingchong Lands can’t come in. Totally different all over the place.”

The reporter was stunned into silence. Regaining his composure, he asked Trump if he could identify Chingchong Land on a map.

“I’m not falling for your gotcha questions, okay,” Trump said, “where are my friendly reporters?”

Five young, white men from Breitbart, World News Daily, Lifezette, Rush Limbaugh’s blog, and InfoWars raised their hands. Trump waved at them. They waved back.

“We’ll get to you fine folks in a second,” Trump said, “but let me get back to this fine young Oriental man here for just one second okay?”

Mr. Trump stood still for a moment, sizing up the reporter.

“Look, you’re all going to go write that I beat up on this fine yellow fellow over here,” Trump said, pointing to the reporter, “but you all heard him. He asked me a question. And he didn’t have the sense to make sure I would be pleased by the question. So he got a mean answer from me, and tomorrow when I’m quoted directly and verbatim, I will call it FAKE NEWS. Why? Because I can, you see?”

The room was silent, and everyone looked at each other awkwardly.

“I mean, look, I can answer the question,” Trump said, “and I do. But you always have to imply shit too. You know? Like if I said I like this man’s tie, you’ll put that in there. But then if I happen to ask if he can make some egg rolls you’ll all freak out. You’ll scream about racism this or racism that. But what if I just genuinely want some egg rolls and to me, to me now, this guy looks like he can make me some egg rolls?”

When the room again fell silent, Trump could tell he might have lost his audience. He made an attempt to win them back.

“But okay, I’m not going to do that,” Trump said, “as much as I could really go for some egg rolls right now. God I love egg rolls. They’re so good. Especially carne asada egg rolls or bean and cheese egg rolls, those are the best. But I won’t ask. I’m hungry. As your president you kinda have to by law feed me. But I won’t do it okay? I won’t ask this guy. I won’t do it.”

A pause.

“Just out of curiosity though,” Trump asked the Korean American reporter, “could you make me egg rolls? Like, I’m not asking you to. But, just for future reference, can you make me egg rolls, should the need arise for me to get some egg rolls?”





Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.



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About James Schlarmann 1857 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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