Trump Demands “World’s Best FBI Director” Mug Back From James Comey

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Word out of the White House this morning is that Co-President Trump is “extremely angry” and is now demanding a special gift he sent to FBI Director James Comey be returned as soon as possible.

Shortly after being elected, Donald Trump reportedly sent FBI Director James Comey a coffee mug with the words “World’s Greatest FBI Director” written on it. Co-President Trump believed, according to sources speaking on the condition of anonymity, that Comey had played a vital role in helping the alleged billionaire win the election. Comey, just a few weeks out from November’s election, released a statement saying that the FBI was re-opening an investigation into Hillary Rodham Clinton’s use of a personal email server during her time as Secretary of State.

Soon thereafter, however, the FBI indicated that the emails they’d recovered were largely emails they’d already gone through. However, many feel Comey made an extraordinary and heretofore unprecedented move in even making any statement, and that his statement may have helped tank Clinton’s chances in November. At a House Intelligence Committee hearing, Comey made a truly historic announcement and acknowledged that the FBI is indeed investigating the Donald Trump administration and whether there was contact and coordination with the Russian government to help attack Hillary Rodham Clinton via cyber attacks.

While watching Comey make the announcement, Trump aides say the co-president became livid. He began screaming and yelling. Trump then asked Reince Priebus, his chief of staff, to take dictation on a letter he wanted drafted and sent to Comey immediately.

“Dear FBI Director Fuckface,” Trump shouted at Priebus, “gimme that mug back, you mook! I thought you were my friend! It’s all bullshit, comrade! WAIT! Don’t put that in there…should be Comrade Comey.”

Trump continued to rant and Priebus continued to write, sources say.

“I gave you that mug because of your announcement in October,” Trump yelled, “because I felt like you deserved it. Frankly, any time people help me I think they’re good, and when they don’t I attack them on Twitter. But even my sweet, sweet tweets can’t make up for the pain you have caused me, Comey! GIVE ME BACK MY MUG!”

The White House did not confirm this report. No comment was given by Comey or the FBI.

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About James Schlarmann 2126 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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