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Trump: Golden Showers Were Just ‘A Different Kind Of Trickle Down Economics’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — As the nation and indeed the world grapple with the bombshell CNN report that indicated President-Elect Donald Trump was briefed on Russia accumulating compromising material on him, Mr. Trump responded more fully this morning to one of the more sordid details of a related document leak that ran on Buzzfeed. Though Trump initially responded to the report — which told a narrative of Russia “cultivating” Trump over a number of years — with a series of tweets calling the leaked intelligence report “fake news,” as he left Trump Tower Wednesday he was hit with so many questions from the press pool, he had no choice but to speak to reporters.

“Look, maybe it’s not totally fake, okay,” Trump said, “maybe some of it’s true. I can’t really say how much, because Vlad’s not told me how much I’m allowed to say. But, like, the whole golden rain thing or whatever? There’s a perfectly valid, reasonable explanation for it, okay?”

President-Elect Trump explained that while he wasn’t admitting to doing it, if he had hired Russian prostitutes to perform a “Golden Showers” show for him while he stayed in the presidential suite at the Moscow Ritz-Carlton, it would have been as a “visual demonstration” for the prostitutes.

“I’m a diplomat, okay, an ambassador,” Trump said, “everyone knows that about me. People love me, really, truly. They all love me. And one of the things I like to do is spread the good word about Trickle Down economics. That’s all I would have been doing with those golden showers shows, if I paid for them, which I’m not admitting to at this point in time.”

Mr. Trump, who has not released his tax returns, claimed that the documents leaked by Buzzfeed are “fake news” and he instead pointed to a Breitbart article, two articles on Laura Ingraham’s website Lifezette, and a front page story from the neo-Nazi website Stormfront that all claimed to debunk the leaked documents.




“There is no way that any of the stuff in that report is true,” Trump said, “because, um, reasons. And also, my son-in-law told me he doesn’t believe them, and he’d never lie to me. He knows I only let him bang my precious, sweet, hot piece of ass Ivanka because I know he’s never going to let me hear things I don’t want to hear. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Russian pee thing. Not true, fake news, blip blop bloop.”

Russian President Vladimir Putin has not commented on the document dump or the CNN report thus far.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 2621 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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