The “Fuck It” List: 5 Things Congress and Obama Can Focus On Instead of the Debt Crisis


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Maybe it's time to just toss up their hands and say "Fuck It" and move on to some things they actually can fix with as little compromise or even effort as possible.

August 2nd, by my crude understanding of mathematics is only four days away. As President Obama and his combatants on the Right Wing continue to quibble without any real indication of a forthcoming resolution, maybe it’s time to just toss up their hands and say “Fuck It” and move on to some things they actually can fix with as little compromise or even effort as possible.

I’ve got five ideas for what they can just fix instead of the supremely important Debt Crisis issue.

#5 The Pothole Out in Front Of My House

Sure, maybe it’s not on the top of the list for all Americans, but I figure that both Republicans and Obama could agree that the pothole is annoying and needs to be filled in. Oh wait, it would require tax dollars to fund the work. Never mind.

#4 Force Taco Bell To Tell Exactly What  a “Chalupa” Is 

I think every man, woman and child desperately wants to know exactly what the word “Chalupa” means. Honestly, it sounds like some kind of euphemism. So how about Congress and Obama pass a resolution forcing Taco Bell to finally just tell us what the Hell it is, and further what the Hell they put in them. Best I can tell it’s parrot meat and sour cream with some cheese.

#3 Bring back “Ed” on NBC

I really loved that show. Michael Ian Black, Tom Cavanagh, Julie Bowen (meowwww). I mean c’mon. It was a great little dramedy. It made me laugh, it made me all gushy inside (not just because I’d usually have a Chalupa while I watched it). Then all of a sudden it was gone. I want it back. Now.

#2 Force Frank McCourt to sell The Dodgers

Yes, I admit that this is a very personal request…as are all of these, but hey, if I don’t look out for me, who will. Seriously though, Frank McCourt is a blight on The Dodgers and on baseball in general. He’s taken perhaps the most storied franchise in National League history and booty-fucked it into a laughing stock and travesty. The sooner he’s out, the sooner the team can recover from the face-rape that he’s committed on the Boys in Blue. As a sub request, I’d like Government to also force Bud Selig to sell the team to Mark Cuban.

#1 Boobs

Okay, this one may be a little vague. I'm not even too sure myself what I mean by this request. All I can come up with is the word "boobs." I think the key point here is that whatever they decide to do, it should involve boobs in some way, shape or form. Let me make myself abundantly clear though, I did not say "tits," "jugs," "nugs," "fun-bags," "chesticles," "gozangas," or "snoobly-dooblies." I said "boobs," clearly. (See what I did there?)

So there you have it. Congress and President Obama can feel free to pursue any of these suggestions at their earliest convenience. Of course, if I were a cynic I would say all this back and forth on the issue is just political posturing and that the two sides will probably come up with a solution that maintains as much of the status quo is as humanly possible…if I was a cynic I’d say that.

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