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A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
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Pew Pew!

NRA Reminds Americans They Don’t Give a Fuck How Many of Their Friends and Family Get Shot

For most of 2020, Americans were dealing with a global covid-19 pandemic outbreak, and...
Pew Pew!

Pro-Gun Right-Wing Pundit: 284 Mass Shootings in 244 Days ‘Too Soon’ to Talk About Gun Control

EMPTY HOLLOW, CONNECTICUT -- This weekend, CBS News reported that by September 1st --...
Pew Pew!

Jesus Christ Reminds Americans Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, the Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity Inc....
Pew Pew!

FBI Report Shows U.S. Needs Just 400 Trillion More Thoughts and Prayers to Reduce Gun Violence

"Platitudes are probably a way better idea at this point."
Pew Pew!

Local Man Loses Track Of Which Mass Shooting It’d Be Inappropriate To Talk About Gun Control After

"Was it the one yesterday, or earlier this week...last month? Shit. I can't remember."
Pew Pew!

Gamestop to Start Requiring 7-Day Waiting Periods on All Violent Video Games

GRAPEVINE, TEXAS -- Videogame retail giant Gamestop held a call with stockholders today and...
Pew Pew!

Call of Duty Designer Apologizes for Inspiring World War II

A man who worked on the design of one of the original "Call of...
MAGA News

ISIS Asks Trump For Tips on Inspiring Young Men

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The terrorist organization known as ISIS, or Daesh, alleges that...
Pew Pew!

Man Blames Violent RPGs For Inspiring Him To Attack School Full Of Young Wizards

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Authorities with the Ministry of Magic are confirming at this hour...
Pew Pew!

Weather Channel Adding Local Mass Shooting Forecasts to U.S. Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Weather Channel announced late this week that will start including...
Pew Pew!

NRA Executive Just Two More School Shootings From Being Able To Afford Fourth Vacation Home

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- Today, during a board meeting of the executives of the National...
Pew Pew!

Adults Demand Teenagers Stop Effectively Demonstrating How Much They Failed To Protect Their Kids

GREEN GLEN, FLORIDA -- A group of concerned adults was seen chastising a group...
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

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