Google+ Sometimes Irony Isn't Funny, It's Fucking Infuriating - The Political Garbage Chute


Sometimes Irony Isn't Funny, It's Fucking Infuriating - The Political Garbage Chute
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Published on March 7th, 2013 | by James Schlarmann

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Sometimes Irony Isn’t Funny, It’s Fucking Infuriating


If there is anything more useless than an elected Republican, I would be delightedly shocked to find out about its existence. There is no larger group of  conspiracy theorists, homophobes, paranoia-stricken survivalists, outright secessionists, overt and covert racists, fiscal sociopaths, or just outright idiots (read: Bachmann) in America today. There are things that they could be legitimately hammering away at President Obama about, but instead they’re too busy fighting over tax breaks for the uber-rich and grilling people over Benghazi to pay attention to the really important stuff going on. Or, there’s a more cynical angle to look at this with, but we’ll get there.

While the GOP is symbolically repealing Obamacare for the 35th time, and while in the state legislatures they control they are trying to write bill after bill that nullifies the power of the Federal government — setting up what could be a rather hilarious or hilariously stupid showdown between the Department of Justice and their red state buffoonery — we should be having a very serious dialogue and debate in this country over due process, and whether or not our president indeed has the blanket, legal authority to kill whomever-the-fuck he wants to kill whenever-the-fuck he wants to kill them. For all their rhetorical screaming from the mountaintops that Obama is a dictator, hell-bent on America’s destruction by way of the stripping of freedoms, they’re doing almost nothing to challenge the president on whether he can skip completely over our well-established order of trial and conviction, and move right to execution.

Sometimes irony isn’t funny; it’s fucking infuriating.

Where The Derp Comes Sweeping Down the Plain

In Oklahoma, they really, really don’t like President Obama, or at the very least the Federal government (but who’s kidding who here, it’s Obama). They’ve passed a handful of bills that play right into the dogmatic fear of the Federal government that conservatives cling to nowadays. One bill makes it illegal to implement Obamacare, one bill is written to mitigate the creeping and sinister influence of the United Nations (not kidding), and another makes it illegal for a doctor to ask about firearms in a patient’s home. That last one is aimed squarely at an Obama executive action that specifically states it is not a violation of the ACA to ask patients about guns in their home.

We’ve been through this before, Oklahoma. Clearly they’ve outlawed history books in your state. But you all need to do a bit of Googling. Try the search term “nullification of Federal authority.” The Supreme Court has this funny idea that Federal powers supersede state powers. In fact, it’s not just SCOTUS, but that tricky little document called The Constitution of the United States of America. You can’t nullify their laws, its sort of against the rules. We tried doing things like you want. We’ve tried having a gutless Federal government and it was so atrocious we scrapped the Articles of Confederation and did a governmental do-over, creating our Constitution and the three-tiered government we have today.

Speaking of infuriating irony, Kansas Rep. Gus Blackwell said of the new laws, “The Supreme Court may go on and make another decision. I don’t care.” Why is that Republicans only care about wasting taxpayer money when that money is going to feed the hungry or heal the sick? Blackwell knows damn well that the Supreme Court will absolutely strike down all of the laws that his state passes in direct confrontation with the Federal government, and yet he’s okay with spending millions of taxpayer dollars fighting the Feds in court.

In the end, it’s just secessionist blithering. That’s all these laws are. The problem for modern secessionists is that they know a few things have changed since the mid-19th century. For starters, our armed forces are centralized, well-trained and equipped, and oh, you know, the strongest military force of all time. Even if a good chunk of them defected as traitors to the union, secessionists know they have no chance against U.S. military strength. They also know that the Civil War was fought over the states’ right to leave, and guess what? There is no out clause. So the only recourse states like Oklahoma have to fight against the “tyranny” of the Obama administration is to pass a bunch of laws that have no chance of standing up under judicial review.

The Derps at Night, Aren’t Very Bright…

Then there’s Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert. The feisty, bald little ventriloquist’s doll is hopping mad about the White House cancelling tours as of March 9th over sequestration budget constraints. Apparently, it upsets Gohmert that Obama went on a golfing trip with Tiger Woods and has in the past taken several golfing trips on the taxpayer’s dime. So Gohmert is going to introduce legislation that says the government will not pay for Obama’s greens fees until after tours of the White House start up.

Despite the fact that Obama’s last golf trip was before sequestration kicked-in, Gohmert is just perpetuating the myth in Republican-Land that Obama takes more vacation days than any president ever. I really think that conservatives have a different Internet than we do, because just five seconds of googling gets you the cold, hard fact that Obama has not taken more vacation days than any other president, not by a long shot. That honor belongs to George W. Bush, who was on vacation or away from the White House on non-official business for the equivalent of nearly three years of the eight he was in office

But who needs accuracy when you can demagogue?

Drones Bless America

And all the while, as Republicans across the country and in Washington mount offensives on abortion rights and Obamacare, while they chase another windmill named “Ben Gozzi,” our president’s Attorney General told the country that it is his believe the president has the legal authority to kill Americans on American soil via drone strike. Stop and think about that for a second. Republicans just love to call Obama a tyrant. They love to scream from the rafters that he’s grabbing power and planning to subvert the Constitution.

And when they’re faced with an actual case of President Obama blatantly ignoring due process, a vital component of our judicial process, laid out in the Constitution, they leave it to the Democrats to cry foul. Oh sure, Rand Paul said, “refusal to rule out the possibility of drone strikes on American citizens and on American soil is more than frightening — it is an affront the Constitutional due process rights of all Americans,” and to be completely fair I agree with him. Which makes me even more furious at the Obama White House for making agree with Rand Fucking Paul of all people.

But Paul is right. It is extremely disturbing that our current administration feels it has the solid legal footing to order up drone strikes any time, any place, and anywhere, but more shockingly, against our own people. Look, I’m a peace-loving hippie in every regard, but I’m also a realist. I understand Holder’s reasoning, that were another Pearl Harbor or 9/11 to go down, we’d expect the president and the armed forces in this country to do whatever it took to stop the catastrophe from happening. But in that case we’d be witnessing the attack ourselves, as we did on 9/11.

You know, there’s that conspiracy theory out there that Dubya had Flight 93, the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania, shot down from the skies. And there are many who are appalled by this; on a surface level I am too. But when I think about how many lives that would have been saved in the long run, shooting down a plane that had been taken over by terrorists and turned into a flying bomb is probably not all that shocking or appalling. So I get what Holder’s position ostensibly is, but in those cases we’re talking about acts of war.

So should Holder and the White House further clarify their position, and if they’d only carry out a drone strike when an overt act of war was being perpetrated on our soil, I could almost buy into abandoning due process in that instance. However, specifics are scarce, very scarce. Why are we to assume any parameters when it comes to drone strikes? And that is the central, driving point that I keep coming back to on these drone strikes: transparency. The American people deserve reassurance that while the White House may feel it has legal ground to order drone strikes on American civilians on American soil, that there are extremely high bars set for what qualifies as something worthy of a drone strike.

We’re not getting those assurances yet, but it would surely help if both parties were mutually interested in procuring them. If you remember, at the outside I wrote that I’d be looking at this story from a slightly more cynical angle. Cynical as it may be, I believe this is the true motivation for Republicans not raising a big stink about Holder’s memo. They agree with it. And they agree with it knowing full-well they’re dying to be able to use drones too. Certainly not against our own people, I refuse to believe that even Republicans are capable of that level of depravity. But can you imagine a NeoCon president with a fleet of drones at his disposal? Oh wait. Duby had one, and he used them far less than Obama has.

It’s too bad his political opponents are reluctant to criticize him, isn’t it?

 

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About the Author

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a left-leaning satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.



  • Deborah

    Day-um! You are so one of my new heroes!

    • James Schlarmann

      Your check’s in the mail. And thank you very much for reading!

  • Carole Mandryk

    Stay angry, my son:)

  • http://TacosInTheAfterlife.weebly.com Phletch

    I was feeling odd about agreeing with Rand Paul earlier myself… you know, this sequestration hasn’t begun to crack me up just yet; I still have the fury brewing, bubbling over the coal-black cauldron in my political garbage can though. As long as someone like you, and sometimes I have the mind to write about these issues, the cauldron remains unexploded. . .

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