Google+


Commentary cruzgun

Published on June 19th, 2013 | by James Schlarmann

3

Senator Ted Cruz is a Really Smart, Bona Fide, Fucking Idiot


I’ve pretty much just settled it in my mind that Senator Ted Cruz is the smartest fucking idiot on the planet. Not more than a couple hours after The Supreme Court struck down an Arizona law that required proof of citizenship to be provided in order to vote, the Supreme Chancellor of Tea and All Things Dumbfuckery put an amendment to the Senate’s immigration bill on the floor that would make it legal for states to require voter ID cards, or you know, proof of citizenship to vote. It has to be some kind of record for inanity in American politics. The Supreme Court literally just said that you can’t ask someone to show proof of citizenship, and there’s Cruz proposing an amendment that allows you to check for proof of citizenship at the time of voter registration.

Cruz had to be smart to get into Harvard, or at least you would think so. Perhaps not though, if an attorney from Harvard Law doesn’t understand how the Constitution and judicial review actually works. Pretty much it goes like this — people write laws and the Supreme Court tells you whether that’s cool with the Constitution or not, so essentially, what the Supreme Court says is legitimate law is legitimate law in the United States. What the Supreme Court ruled just an hour or two before Cruz’ bill hit the Senate floor was that states cannot add more requirements for voting on top of Federal requirements without permission from the Federal government, which is what the Arizona law in question did and it’s precisely what Ted Cruz wants his amendment to allow..or not really. See, this is where Teddy’s evil genius comes into play.

The real reason Cruz wants this amendment to go to vote is two-fold. First, it gives Cruz his best shot at derailing immigration reform as proposed by the Gang of Eight. I tend to think it’s just stupid grandstanding and will just wind-up not getting enough votes to pass, not really hampering the bill’s progress. Secondly, by drafting this amendment, if it passes it would hand the states the authority to disenfranchise voters by the bucket load — requiring whatever new form of ID that’s much easier for traditionally Republican voters to get than for traditionally Democratic voters. It’s stupid in that it’s so nakedly transparent. It’s stupid in that everyone knows what voter ID laws are really all about.

Cruz’ amendment is something completely removed from actual issues of immigration law or even voter fraud. Senator Cruz proposed an amendment that would make it harder for people who are more likely to vote for Democrats to vote. It’s the same idea as the myriad red state voter ID laws that floated up to the surface over the last couple years. The reason Cruz and every other Republican wants voter ID put in place isn’t because voter fraud is a big problem — it’s not — but it’s because if they can just make it hard enough to get registered, perhaps more people will give up, and that will tip the scales in the GOP’s favor, but therein lies another one of their critical failures in logic.

Mitt Romney got 60% of the white vote in 2012. He still lost. The truth is that demographics are going to play a huge part in how long it takes the GOP to recover from its nightmare run of performances on the presidential stage. Five out of the last six presidential elections have gone for Democrats. Self-identifying Republicanism is at all-time lows. When you’re the party that doesn’t have the numbers to win, you have to start playing around the edges. You gerrymander, you put laws into the books requiring voter ID cards in states where you can win by keeping Democratic turnout as sparse as possible. These are the acts of desperation you see in politics from time to time, and the only question is who will call Cruz out for it in Congress, because it’s hard to see his amendment getting more than a handful of votes, especially when SCOTUS has so freshly smacked that notion down.

As they sifted through the ashes and rubble of the 2012 election season, some Republicans were saying all the right things. They saw the writing on the wall, and they saw the generation coming up behind them, my generation, and they could tell that things had to change. But in the ensuing weeks and months what’s happened is that they’ve started making excuses for their loss. It was the “Free stuff” Obama offered, and they can’t let immigration reform happen (despite how badly the country needs it) because all it’ll do is create a shit load more Democratic voters. Those excuses are great for their base, but they do nothing for the very voters who have now consistently turned their backs on the GOP.

You can’t be the anti-immigration party and score points with a populace that has strong, recent ties to immigrating here. You can’t be the party of liberty and freedom and do everything you can to deny liberty and freedom to a segment of the population simply because you suspect — rightfully so — that your policies are so offensive to them that they’d never vote for you anyway. Well, you can do all those things, and you’d be Ted Cruz..the smartest bona fide fucking idiot in Washington, D.C. today.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Earlier editions of this article erroneously portrayed the SCOTUS’ decision as being against voter ID laws in general, when it was centered around Federal law trumping state law, and therefore the laws would have to be changed. This is what Cruz’ amendment is actually about.

Tags: , ,


About the Author

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a left-leaning satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.



  • Barry

    Actually the supreme court said that the federal government sets voter requirements. If they want to add a proof of citizenship, changing the federal voter requirement is the route they need to take. That will just kill work to the senate bill.

    • James Schlarmann

      Yes, that is correct, but they also pointed to the “voter motor” bill already in law as being the existing law. So Cruz’ amendment also has to amend that bill. This won’t kill the bill; it just won’t get any votes as an amendment. At least that’s how I see it, and I reserve the right to be completely and utterly wrong.

  • Paul Levinson

    Can one of you folks explain to me how Ted Cruz *isn’t* a fucking idiot even if, despite being a member of the U.S. Senate, he managed to confuse the process of amending a federal bill vs. “only” a state bill like the one the SCOTUS ruled on in re: Arizona? He *still* looks imbecilic and like he not only checked his brain at the Republican Altar, he took it to a pawn shop himself because someone told him they *might* get on board his virtually inevitable Presidential campaign? We’d have to endure this even though he’s been cut directly from the GOP hate ‘em, scorn ‘em, condescend to them, alienate them platform? I’m thinking he’s still a doorknob, but your comments make me feel he may just not have had enough coffee. Thanks….

Back to Top ↑
  • Sponsored Links


  • Get Updates Via Email

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

  • Follow Us On Google+!

  • Sponsored Links


  • Chute Shop

    The Political Garbage Chute on Cafe Press


UA-27764387-1