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Published on October 1st, 2012 | by James Schlarmann

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Republicans: Getting the Most Bat-Shit Bang For Their Buck


Okay. Seriously. The Republicans are of their tits, to borrow a phrase from myself (although I’m quite certain I heard this somewhere at some point and therefore take no credit for coining the phrase). It’s one thing that they’re still trying to get everyone to believe, despite it failing twice in the last thirty years, that Trickle Down is the way to go. But it’s another thing entirely to believe that every single poll is skewed in favor of the Democrats. And that’s exactly what the GOP is saying now.

I guess it makes sense from the standpoint that there’s still a little over a month left in the election and to admit to everyone now that their candidate is looking about as attractive as Paris Hilton does whenever she speaks wouldn’t be very good for optics. However, there’s no doubting that Romney’s campaign has hit brick wall after brick wall, and usually because of things Romney himself has said. If it’s not the “47%” video it’s a tape surfacing of him telling investors when Bain was still starting out that he envisioned the company “harvesting” other companies they’d invested in. Romney’s just not that good a candidate. Maybe he’s an excellent father, husband and businessman, but clearly he does not sell well to the American public, and the polls are showing it.

But in Republican-Land the polls are slanted in favor of the Democrats because a) Liberal media bias dictates it, b) supposedly pollsters are calling way more Democrats than Republicans (which simply is not true, and as Maddow pointed out recently, the truth is that there just happens to be more Democrat voters in the swing states, which would totally explain them leaning blue, or just going whole-hog for President Obama), or c) whatever other bat shit crazy idea they have as to why their candidate sucks out loud.

The polls aren’t biased, clearly. It’s not like everyone in the media got together last year and decided this would be the year they started tabulating all the swing states for Obama. The truth is that Romney-Ryan is selling a load of bullshit, and a lot of Americans just simply aren’t buying it. The Republican argument is pretty simple. Let’s go back to handing all the money to the rich people and then it’ll magically float down from heaven upon the serfs. But here’s the thing: it didn’t fucking work. What they’re hoping is that country as battered wife syndrome; that we know how bad for us the GOP is, but we can’t quit them.

We are quitting them; the polls show it…and they’re scared.

This all sort of flows back into one of the biggest narratives of the 2012 Presidential Election: The complete abandonment of reality and truth by the Republican party. Romney-Ryan is the ticket that won’t be hampered by fact checkers. Mitt’s lying is so legendary in this election that President Clinton actually addressed it directly during his Democratic National Convention speech, saying flatly that Obama did not gut the work requirement in Welfare reform. Of course, he’d already addressed it directly in ad as well, so it’s clear that the Republicans are just disconnected from reality in a way that is simultaneously hilarious and depressing, sort of like a clown car ramming into a brick wall and going up in flames. Sure, it’s funny watching fifty clowns get out of one small car, but then you realize that there’s mass carnage involved and it’s really not funny at all. The Republican disconnect from reality is frightening because they get people to vote for them. The fact that even five states are Red means there’s an essential element of life missing in those states: logic.

The election is still far from over. A month is a long time in politics…sort of like the last two minutes of an NFL game. Anything can happen, and it’s still possible that Mitt Romney could win in November. After all, there are still some very crucial voter ID laws being challenged in important swing states. But that’s another story for another time. The point is that it’s most certainly not time to pop open the bubbly if you’re President Obama. But despite what the Right Wing is furiously trying to get everyone to buy into, the reality is that as bad as the economy is right now, the majority of the country knows it’s not because Obama didn’t try, and it’s not that his ideas are bad. The majority, or at least the plurality, of the country truly believes Obama can right the ship, and any worries they have about him pulling it off come second behind worries they have about putting Mitt in office in the first place.

 The polls aren’t skewed, the Republicans’ view of reality is. 

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About the Author

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a left-leaning satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.



  • Paulie

    Excellent article, though you’re being awfully kind to the Republicans for some reason. Btw, Ryan is a liar too, e.g. during his speech at the RNC, and that’s *criminal* under Wisconsin law (Wis. Stat. 12.05?). Not sure whether it’s criminal under Federal law, but it should be.

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