Local Religious Zealot ‘Not So Concerned’ About Life of Zygote After It’s Born

SPLINTER, OKLAHOMA — Sandra Glimm was born on March 23rd, 2015 in a hospital in the small town of Splinter, Oklahoma. But if it weren’t for the efforts of another woman, Abby Dotson, Glimm may never have been born. It was eight months before her birth that Glimm’s biological mother went to a Planned Parenthood about three hours south in Tulsa to have an abortion performed. Sandra’s mother was single, working at a local diner to pay her nursing school bills, and wasn’t prepared she thought to be a mother at that time. To make matters more uncertain, the man who had impregnated her, Sandra’s biological father, had decided early on that she wasn’t marriage material anyway and hadn’t responded to texts or phone calls for two weeks after they had slept together.

Sandra’s mother decided that since she had just found out she was a little over a month pregnant and the developing zygote inside her uterus wasn’t sentient, let alone developed in any way that would let it thrive and survive outside the womb, she was going to have an abortion. It wasn’t something she was thrilled about, she’d later tell The Political Garbage Chute, however she had made that choice with not only her best interests in mind, but also those of the child for whom she had no resources to care for properly in the first place. However, Sandra’s mother would have a chance encounter with Dotson that would alter her thinking, and result in Glimm being born into the world after all.

“I just told her what abortion is,” Dotson told our reporter, “murder. I believe in the most basic of definitions of things, even when there are all kinds of nuanced feelings, emotions and factors at play. Therefore, even though the vast majority of abortions are performed before the developing life form inside the woman’s womb are even capable of conscious, sentient thought, I equate all abortion procedures to that of taking a knife and ramming into a newborn baby’s body, and I also have wonderful artist’s renditions of that very imagery I show woman like I showed Sandra’s mom a few months ago, you know, to shock them into seeing things my way — er I mean, the right way.”

Dotson told The Political Garbage Chute that she “could tell right away that Sandra’s mom had a change of heart” and that she was “so happy that [she] was able to convince” Sandra’s mom to “give up her own Constitutional privileges and rights to ensure that an unwanted pregnancy came to fruition” and that “everyone knows babies born into families that didn’t initially want them and didn’t know how to take care of them financially never result in bad things down the line.”

“The bottom line is that I respect life. Human life. I respect it so much I will die defending it,” Dotson said at one point, “and by ‘die defending it,’ I mean that I’ll harass, berate, judge and ridicule scared young women in public, of course.” Dotson said that her “staunch defense of the sanctity of life” is “all that matters” in her life. She told us she feels that God himself has called on her to protect the innocent life growing in all the wombs in all the world.

All this means once Sandra was born that Dotson would also favor strong social programs that would help Sandra’s mother pay for childcare, food, clothing and shelter, one would assume. But one would assume incorrectly, according to Dotson.

“I said I was a defender of human life, not human dignity, safety, security, education, food, clothing or shelter,” Dotson told our interviewer. “Just because I browbeat women into having children they don’t want or can’t take care of, why does that mean I have to support moochers mooching like the moochy mooch faces they are? I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how it’s right to be so entitled as to expect someone else to help you raise the baby we gave you no other alternative but to have in the first place.”

Our reporter asked Dotson how concerned she is with the life she secured for Sandra Glimm being one of real opportunity and the freedom to become the best version of herself by giving her access to schooling, healthy food and programs that help her socialize and interact with the world she lives in. “I’m not so concerned about that, actually,” Dotson told us. “I’m too busy wringing my hands over the next blastocyst being aborted before it has any possible way to even know it exists.”

“The bottom line is that I won’t rest until every single pregnancy brings about a baby, no matter how many other billions of babies and grown-up babies there are on this planet,” Dotson said as we were ending the interview.

“I don’t care about over-population I don’t care about the glaring inconsistencies with my belief that we should cherish every developing life but stop caring so much about said lives when they are born. I don’t care about how idiotic the notion of a world where every miscarriage is treated like a homicide investigation sounds.

I don’t care that no matter what I do I can’t stop women from ending their pregnancies on their terms because that’s how it’s always worked. I don’t care that if I just stopped being so stubbornly puritanical and gave people access to free contraceptives and the knowledge of how to use them properly abortions would almost eliminate themselves. You can’t convince me that all of this logic should trump my hyper-emotional rhetoric about dumpsters full of dead body parts.

I saw a doctored video damnit! I have a belief in a God, damnit! Those two things alone give me the power to tell you how to live your life. At least I think that. But don’t try to use your own morality or ethics to explain to me why I’m a fascist, because then I know you’re just a Godless liberal baby killer.”

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.



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About James Schlarmann 1696 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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