Professional Journalist ‘Didn’t Sign Up For This Shit’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Drama today in the offices of one of the nation’s most respected news bureaus as long time respected journalist Jack Bradshaw was seen storming out of his office screaming following a visit from his newspaper editor.

Comments from the editor in question shortly after the incident have given rise to the belief that Mr. Bradshaw was, shortly before his erratic behavior, working on a piece about the upcoming meeting between President Donald J. Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un — struggling to find an angle which would in any possible way make it sound as though Trump could have any idea what he was actually doing — but had just been asked by his editor to also write a piece about the news that Mr. Trump may be ordered by a New York court to unblock people on Twitter.

Although for a short while Mr. Bradshaw’s whereabouts were unknown, he was found an hour or so later rocking quietly in the corner of the office canteen while whispering repeatedly, the words ‘Hillary, save us all.’

Later that day, after a colleague found his box of Xanax: 2018 Strength and administered the appropriate dosage level, Bradshaw took time to explain his actions, explaining, “I am very sorry about my reaction to being asked earlier today to report on our President likely being required by a court to unblock people on his Twitter, but the fact is I graduated Princeton with honors, I have worked my way up the ladder, and I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

At this point, those around him noted that his eye began twitching.

A new development in this story has since arisen as doctors in New York City revealed that this is not the first case they have heard of like this, with one noting that only last week they had to administer a drip of pure vodka to CNN anchor Anderson Cooper after he suffered a severe case of what doctors are dubbing “Sean Hannity Syndrome” — a condition described as being when a journalist or anchor is forced to repeatedly report on complete bollocks.

As a precaution, NBC News have said they are placing Lester Holt on 24/7 medical watch.

Satire can also be found on The Pastiche Post and Alternative Facts.

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