Paul Ryan Disappointed Repealing Obamacare Mandate “Doesn’t Put Enough Lives At Risk”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking to reporters on the Hill today, speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI), when asked about the Republican’s latest attempts to repeal the Obamacare mandate as part of a tax proposal bill currently in the Senate, said he “doesn’t feel as though the attempt goes far enough.”

“Look, I don’t want to get drawn into specifics on the matter, but Republicans have a job to do and we’ve got to do that job properly,” Mr Ryan said. “Our donors have their expectations and we’ve got to meet those — I’m not saying that I don’t agree with attempts to repeal the terrible healthcare system that is Obamacare, I just feel that this attempt simply does not go far enough.”

Asked for further clarification, Ryan elaborated, “I don’t want to talk about specifics, because we have to wait and see, but what I’m saying is that current estimates are that this attempt will only leave 13 millions people uninsured — That’s only 13 million people, including women and children who will now have their lives at risk because they might not be able to afford the care they need. I don’t know about you folks, but I think that is a pretty poor effort. We need to be able to go above and beyond 13 million — I’m talking 20 million, 30 million. I came into politics to represent the great people of Wisconsin’s 1st district, and I would be letting them down, and my principles down, if I didn’t work to kill off as many of the poor ones there as possible.”

Additionally, when asked for a comment on the ongoing situation with Judge Roy Moore, the Republican candidate in the upcoming Alabama special election senate race on December 12th, Mr. Ryan made an unusual groaning noise before falling into a boneless pile  of skin on the floor.

More satire:

Roy Moore Turns Down Gift Of 18 Year Old Bourbon Because It’s Aged Too Much For His Liking

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