A member of a group that frequently stages pro-Second Amendment rallies by publicly carrying assault rifles has a surprisingly nominally sized schlong, a former girlfriend says.
By falling within the scientifically established normal range for adult men (5 to 6.5 inches in length), Dirk Stafford’s johnson dwarfs the members of his fellow male Open Carry Texas members, according to Shelly Haugh, who dated Stafford for nearly a month.
Haugh said she met Stafford last summer during an OCT rally in Waco where he and other pro-gun, open-carry activists scared the bejeezus out of residents by walking through the streets and into businesses like retail stores and restaurants while donning semi-automatic rifles such as AR-15s and M-16s.
Describing herself as an “open-carry groupie” who’s dated lots of OCT members due to her penchant for men with extremely small cocks, Haugh was shocked when she discovered Stafford’s whopping 5.5 inches of high-caliber manhood.
“Have you ever heard the term ‘size queen’? Well, I’m like the opposite of that,” Haugh said. “I get off on really small dicks, like two, maybe three rock-hard inches. That’s why I date open-carry guys, because they’re all like that. Well, almost all of them.”
When Stafford and Haugh had their first sexual encounter together after a couple of dates, she recalls, she nearly fainted at the staggering sight of Stafford’s ordinarily proportioned wiener.
“My jaw just about hit the ground when I saw that thing!” she recollected. “It was almost as big as a cheap, shriveled Oscar Mayer hot dog! I can barely handle a Vienna sausage, for goodness’ sake!”
Struggling to accommodate Stafford’s mediocre cock a few more times over the next couple of weeks, Haugh noted, she tried to make the relationship work, but she could no longer endure his astonishingly pedestrian penis.
“I eventually ended it before he did some damage down there, which is a shame, because for an open-carry activist, he really is a nice guy,” Haugh explained. “Like, he’ll apologize to a mother at the next table at Chili’s when her 4-year-old daughter cries uncontrollably because she’s terrified of the AR-15 slung across his shoulder.”
Haugh added, “I told all my girlfriends Dirk’s a sweet guy to date, but warned them he’s packing some serious, average equipment. I hated to break his heart, but he was about to break my vagina.”
She insists her experience with the exceptionally moderately hung Stafford hasn’t deterred her from dating other open-carry activists.
“After all,” Haugh surmises, “what are the chances there’s another Open Carry Texas member with a dick that big? I’ve already dated the exception to the ruler.”
Republished from The Red Shtick.