That goddamned socialist Kenyan is at again! As if over three years of positive jobs growth, more than doubling the Dow, and saving an economy that was tanking into oblivion and shedding almost a million jobs a month weren’t enough, now he’s gone and given this country a gigantic budget surplus in June! Is there anything this man won’t do to ruin our economy? Next thing you know, he’ll be creating tons of new jobs in green energy, or signing a huge comprehensive immigration bill that will add trillions to our economy over ten years. Well, actually he can’t do either of those last parts because thank God the Republicans are in town to stop his aggressive agenda of ruining America’s economy through jobs growth and gargantuan budget surpluses.
Apparently the sneaky jerk knew when he helped orchestrate the end of the Bush Tax Cuts on the wealthy of our nation (The Job Creators and Protectors of All Things Freedom) that it would increase our tax revenues. And apparently the B-Hole-in-Chief also had figured out that despite the rhetoric from true, American patriots like Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan and that other white guy in a suit, he had slashed quite a bit of government spending already. So those two things, slashed government spending and higher tax revenues resulted in the highest budget surplus in June in our nation’s history.
The economy grew by $287 billion, up over ten percent from this time last year. This of course is terrible for the country’s Republicans who have been working tirelessly to keep our country’s economy safe from the growth and stability of President Maobama. This evidence of economic growth is of course the worst news possible for Americans. Sure, creating more and more new jobs every month means that more and more people will get back to work. Sure, those people going back to work will inject gobs and gobs of money back into our economy. Sure, housing prices are jumping back up again. But this is all terrible news for America! Because it’s a Democrat overseeing all these things, and that might actually give people the impression that Democrats being charge is good for the economy! We cannot have that can we?
Think about it! The last time we raised taxes and had huge surpluses you know who was in charge? President Clinton, that’s who. Do we really want America to look like it did in the 90’s, when the tech boom was fueling our economy at its fastest peace-time rate ever? Do we really want our unemployment rate to be back down at around 4%? Do we really want emerging green technologies to be like the Internet e-business boom of that time? Are we really prepared to give over to the Clintonomics of Obama’s White House and sit idly by as the country’s economy improves despite how hard the forces of good, righteous, red, white and blue American apple pie ideals work to obstruct his senseless agenda of economic recovery?
Democratic economic policies clearly don’t work, at least not when it comes to doing what America was created to do — serve our corporate overlords and the extremely wealthy. Obviously all the liberals in the world missed the last part of Washington’s first inaugural address when he intoned, “Having thus imparted to you my sentiments as they have been awakened by the occasion which brings us together, I shall take my present leave; but not without telling you all that the whole reason we fought for independence from Great Britain was because they just weren’t going to suck the dick of Corporate America quite well enough, and yeah, that’s what we’re all about. And in conclusion; MONEY MONEY MONEY!” Why do you think we put his face on his favorite thing in the world, money?
Thank God for all of us who hate economic prosperity and a growing middle class that we have austerity-obsessed Republicans in power who can make sure that Obama’s regime of crony cronyism with his cronies goes down hard. I am sure, positive beyond all doubt that one of the fifteen hundred
windmills scandals that Chairman and High-Inquisitor Darrell Issa is currently hunting down will turn up the evidence we need to finally get rid of this a-hole! It’s a fool-proof plan, actually.
There’s nothing Americans have loved more in the past than a completely useless Congress. So they’ll jump for joy when they take their “do nothingness” to the next level and hyper-focus on bringing down the current administration, right? Whether it’s a salacious blowjob, or a made up story about Obama watching Ambassador Stevens die on his iPad while he played Angry Birds, there will be something that will be enough for Issa to drum up impeachment charges, and then, then we’ll see just how much of this growth and recovery Americans really want.