CASCADE FALLS, MS — State Rep. Gene Alday (R-MS) recently caused quite a stir when he was quoted by The Clarion-Ledger as saying that in his town he sees “all the blacks” there “getting food stamps and what I call ‘welfare crazy checks.” Adlay said because of the welfare use he feels is rampant in the black community, he doesn’t support more education funding. Many people on both sides of the aisle have condemned Alday’s rhetoric as a throwback to decades-old racist stereotypes about welfare queens among the African-American community, but Alday was quick to defend himself.

In a follow-up article published in Mississippi News Now, Rep. Alday defended himself by saying in the second interview that he is “definitely not a racist” because he gets “along with everybody”  and he has “spent a lot of time helping people.” Some however still feel that Alday’s defense comes short, and sounds a lot like someone trying to walk back what is clearly offensive rhetoric in 2015.

Apparently though, Adlay still thinks he can rehabilitate his image. The Political Garbage Chute was contacted by Johnathan Phillips, who works in State Rep. Adlay’s Cascade Falls, Mississippi office, and Phillips says Adlay “can’t possibly be a racist” because “he has some black friends” and “he’s never called one an N-word to their face that they know about” which according to Phillips shows Adlay “knows the world has evolved perhaps to a place that true patriots don’t recognize, but one that Adlay must appear to be respectful” of African-Americans in as well.

Phillips asked our reporter, “How could Adlay be anti-black when he knows so much about their community?” He said that Adlay is well aware how much his black constituents “love fried chicken” because he sees black people eating fried chicken all the time when he watches old “Amos and Andy” episodes on Netflix. Phillips insists that Adlay is “one of the most open-minded” politicians in the state, saying that “he fully supports the rights of all black people as long as they have their government-issued ID they can vote, and as long as they pee in a cup before we give them their welfare checks we can help them” feed their families.

It was at that point in the interview that Phillips floated an idea that his boss had. “Rep. Adlay has been doing some informal polling of both of his black friends,” said Phillips, “and next week he is hoping to unveil his proposal for the state of Mississippi based on that polling.” Rep. Adlay’s proposal, according to Phillips is to “re-institute slavery” in Mississippi because according to Phillips, Adlay found that his black friends “probably wouldn’t mind slavery” since it would provide all the things that welfare and unemployment programs do but that they’d be “expected to put in a good, honest, unpaid day’s work,” which Phillips told us “puts the dignity back in getting handouts from the taxpayers.”

Phillips says the Mississippi Doesn’t Mind Slavery That Much Act of 2015 would make it legal for any person to voluntarily enter a contract with an employer that will not compensate the laborer monetarily, however they would be “given company store credit” says Phillips that could be “redeemed for goods and services as long as they are provided by whatever company the new slave chooses to work for.”

“Rep. Adlay believes that we simply don’t give black people in our state enough chances to work,” said Phillips, “and that maybe they don’t know that there are good, no-paying jobs out there if they are willing to accept them.” Phillips said the new law would also “completely fit with a libertarian view of the economy” because “Freedom of Association should allow any person to forfeit their right to be considered in human in exchange for being property” as long as they are doing so voluntarily.

“We just want black people to think about it,” said Phillips. “Free room and board. Lots of sunshine. And sure, maybe you have to kiss your wife and kids goodbye as they are sold off to another Mississippi company for the prices of a couple livestock animals, but that’s the price we pay for living in a truly free market, capitalist society.”