We’ve all seen the numbers. Donald Trump’s inauguration was the most watched event in global history. With more than 8 billion viewers- both television and streaming- coupled with the 4 billion adoring fans physically present at the National Mall that historical day, an estimated 12 billion people watched with amazing excitement as Trump took his oath of celibacy. That audience represents 70 percent more people than actually live on the planet.
As days blissfully pass beyond the National Day of Patriotic Devotion it’s becoming more and more apparent that while people tuned in to support the Supreme Leader/president there was also another motivation that is proving to be nearly as important. People want to know: What will Kellyanne Conway wear next?
Meaning “what clothes will she have on?” Not “will she still be wearing that same look of soulless contempt on her face?”
K-Anne Con-W. is taking the fashion world by shock and awe and the fashion world is taking notice.
“She looked absolutely amazing in her red, white, and blue re-imagining of a Confederate Double-Breasted frock coat at the ceremony,” says Olga Smittzle, Assistant Talent Coordinator for the Mall of America’s Annual Fashion Fiesta. “She calls it ‘Trump Revolutionary Wear’ which I absolutely love. Too cute. I think she may have the specific war wrong and should have called it ‘Trump Civil Wear’ but that sounds too much like ‘Trump Silverware’. Too confusing.”
So what’s next from Freedom’s Fashionista?
Well girls, there is a new trend that Kellyanne C-way is calling “Flag Draping” and it is all the rage. It is modern, trendy and just too simple to do. And stay away from The Drape, trans-genders; this is for the Ladies Only.
Simply purchase a Trump-Certified Flame-Retardant U.S. American Flag (available HERE), place the top of your head at the absolute center of Ol’ Glory and drape over your entire body. What you have is the ultimate in American Pride. A woman completely covered with the Stars and Stripes.
Kellyway ConAnne debuted the look at a small runway show in the Russian port city of St. Petersburg to rave reviews and a standing ovation that was much bigger and better than any Super Bowl stand and clap in history [Editor’s Note: correlation between this and any sporting event applause duration unclear yet deemed “important” by The Administration]. During this runway show all but two of the flag-covered models fell off of the catwalk due to an inability to see.
Moderate injuries where sustained.
“This is an opportunity for all women to support Mr. President,” Miss Con(-Air)way stated to us during a brief Skype interview. “There is no number value to be considered if you are Flag Draping. Even 2’s and 4’s can be a solid 10 in Trump’s eyes if you are covered in our most cherished piece of fabric. That’s dedication.”
Always in tune with charitable causes, The Trump Administration will donate 87% of all drape-related flag sales to the Trump Organization.
Follow Dave on Twitter @dvdpinson.