ISIS Claims Responsibility for Donald Trump

The Islamic State terror group, also known as ISIS, has taken credit for unleashing Donald Trump on the world as the next president of the United States.

An Islamic State spokesman told Al Jazeera that the group and its members’ myriad supplications to a higher power are responsible for the next leader of the free world.

“In addition to goading the infidels of the West toward all-out war against all of Islam,” said Abu Mohammad al-Adnani, “we have been fervently praying to Allah that He bring forth an American president who will lead the U.S. and its allies to invade our lands with their armies to fulfill the prophecies and bring about the final Day of Judgment by Allah. Boy, has He answered our prayers big time!”

Al-Adnani continued, “We have prayed that Allah would cause the American people to elect an angry, blustering, fear-mongering Islamophobe as commander in chief of the greatest superpower on Earth, with access to the U.S. nuclear arsenal. I would say ‘Allahu Akbar,’ but with Trump as the next U.S. president, it really seems like an understatement.”

According to Al-Adnani, Trump is the “greatest hype man a caliphate could hope for,” and he called Trump the “Flavor Flav of infidels.”

“When it comes to stirring up fear and hatred of Islam, Trump exceeds our wildest dreams,” he said. “We are just delighted Allah saw fit to listen to us.”

While Al-Adnani said Trump’s ascendancy to the presidency is proof that Allah hears and answers the prayers of the jihadists, he also said they have already begun recruiting U.S. citizens to help further embolden incoming occupant of the White House.

Al-Adnani explained, “We already have several IS members in America who are actively supporting Donald Trump in order to usher in the Imam Mahdi to defeat the army of Rome. If you want to join the caliphate, don’t come to Syria. Stay home and register as a Republican. Make America great again, and praise be to Allah!”

Republished from The Red Shtick.

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