NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The major news coming in overnight has been a spill of approximately 210,000 gallons of oil from the keystone pipeline in South Dakota, an incident which is already being described as one of the worst environmental issues the state has ever faced.
While at this stage it was expected that it would take some time for experts to find out exactly what has happened, millions of dollars in potential investigation costs have this morning been saved by Fox & Friends’ very own experienced scientists, Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and Ainsley Earhardt, who following an “in-depth investigation of the facts” came to the conclusion that the spill is, “entirely the fault of President Hillary Clinton.”
Speaking on this morning’s edition of the show, Doocy introduced the topic saying to his two co-hosts, “Now I don’t know if either of you have heard, but President Clinton has had another terrible night after she caused an oil spill from the keystone pipeline, ruining the beautiful South Dakota landscape.”
In response, Earhardt said, “I did hear that Steve. She is such an evil nasty woman, just like President Trump said. I’ve heard that the specifics of what she did are so terrible that no one is able to speak about them.”
“You know, I heard that too,” Doocy continued. “I mean, what sort or terrible thing has this woman done this time that people just are not prepared to speak about it in detail — I guess we will never know. It’s a good job we have President Donald Trump to fix things like this though, I know that.”
Not wanting to be absent from the debate, Kilmeade added; “I went to North Dakota once. It is just like South Dakota, only it’s further north.”
When asked for comment on the spill, a spokesperson for keystone operator TransCanada said, “The safety of our reputation and profits through the ability to ensure that clearance goes ahead for us to build the even bigger, and even more prone to spillage, keystone XL pipeline.”
Pressed further, the company representative added; “What I am saying is, with the final decision on the keystone XL being made only days from now, we at TransCanada strongly agree with the Fox & Friends analysis that this spill was entirely the fault of Hillary Clinton, and if it wasn’t for President Trump, the spill would be much worse.”